cheapthrillsandrandomthoughts

2008-10-08T23:14:00.011+08:00

just let me try, ok?

i'm frigggin sick again.
like OMG righttzz :/
i thought i was over the phase of being totally SUPER unwell & not being able to do any work at all & come to school but here we go again. hmm maybe i shld like make sure i dont hang arnd sick ppl too much. maybe i've lost my stron immune system & have become super weak which i totally blame myself for since i dont eat properly at the right times & thus the repercussions of it all, coming to me NOW when i shld be working the hardest in this quick-ending race to the finish line.

so yes, on to other things happening at the moment which are def the pre-A's mock exams tht are going on in our school. & yes, i'm as not fully geared or prepared as i shld be if i'm taking the A's so the outcome for the mocks tht i've taken so far have been hideous but i did learn some tips from the post-mortems tht the teachers did after we were done trying out the mock qns. i mean, i just need to organize my stuff, sit myself down for solid straight long hours, go through note & make my own notes, learn from the tips given & then i shld be good to take the A's, hopefully.

so yes, i'm gonna do it. and as you can seee i'm working on becoming MORE POSITIVE(in the aspect of my school wrk, since for everything else i'm SUPERDUPER positive!) so i will push myself & i'm def super glad tht i've got some wonderful friends who are pushing me along the way & trying to make sure i dont give up halfway. as well as my beloved cousin who's suffering along with me & makes me wanna not give up cos i shld work tgther with her so tht both of us can get thru the A's (:

oh & tdae was like 'sharifa-gets-bullied-the-most' day. timo & damian were bullying me like crazayyyy. & they kept humiliating me by exposing my ez-link card photo & ic photo to EVERYONE & ANYONE. & trust me when i say ANYONE cause even damian's outside-school friends who i barely met/talked to for like 5 minutes plus, managed to catch a glimpse of it & laughed at me. like WTH rightzz. they're EVILLLL i tell you. this is wht happens if u're born a VIRGO, who's meant to be gullible & nice & you end up trusting your stuff with ur friends who end up digging the cards out, taking pictures of it & sending it to ur other guyfriends who are like not even part of the whole thing. ugh ugh ugh. & worse still showing off to a million of your other friends who happen to be in the library too or in the place where you go for dinner. like OMGGGGGOSH. humiliating to the core luh. i tell you i could have died when they kept LAUGHING away at meee. on top of tht, timo & damian KNEW it was evil but kept on bullying me. rahhhhh. ONE DAY, when i decide to try & become evil, i shall get you'll back okay. i will TRY, for sure. HA!

oh anw, crazy cuckoo is being a sicko. HAHAHA & so he didnt come school tdae to take the econs mock. he's been super duper sick for the past few days but he claims he's recovered so we shall see tmrw if it's trueee. but anw, drink water luh you. it helps alot really. i mean i shld knw right since i've been super sick too. heh. takecare purrlease & yes, i do miss ur lame-ness alittle. NOTE THE ALITTLE. before you get a big-head. hahaha. but yeah, timo & damian have been compensating for you & i still get my extreme load of lameness from them so i'm fine! HAHAHA. but yes, they miss you loads toooo, so comeee back sch ok? (:

ok luh, i think i shld be off to bed and wake up to face another day of dreadful MOCKS. tmrws lit & h1 maths so wish me luck (:

P.S: to my dearest T who's been listening to ALL my whinings & nonsenses intently & just being there for me when i need you(most of the time!) & also, bothering to use ur precious time & spend it with me, well i'm truly grateful for all these & i feel honoured/touched tht i have a wonderful friend like you who always believes in me & helps me along the way, when i'm lost. so yes, THANKS YOU LOADS and def, i love you to like infinityy cos you make me happy & entertain me when i'm down. although u do show your HUGE EGO. okay kidding luh. not huge! hahahas. but yeah, u're one of the greatest guyfriend ever ok? dont wna lose you ever manzz. one & only purrlease. HAHAH. lovezz (:

2008-10-01T01:27:00.008+08:00

I'M WALKING AWAY.

from the troubles in my life;

to find a better day.

so just go on & spread those lies.

(cos i aint gonna live a lie like you.)

2008-09-15T00:12:00.006+08:00

you give me something.
that makes me scared alright.
this could be nothing.
but i'm willing to give it a try.
(or not?)

ugh ugh ugh, i've officially wasted my weekend away. someone just shoot me, seriously. i need to slap myself and get on track, but here i am blogging away like my whole life depended on this (which mind you, it doesnt. HAHA). wells, anyway, i'm super glad for certain people in my life who are keeping me sane at the moment or like stopping me from doing anything drastic. they 'crack' me up like crazy & i'm so thankful for them luh. conversations with them are hilarious.

for example:

ME: ughh fine. trust her. see if i care. trust ALL the people in the world who will cheat you eventually BUT dont believe the one person who wouldnt cheat you in the end. tskkk you. HAHA (:

MY CRAZY CUCKOO: yea, i like to be cheated. its gives joy to the cheater and i like to make people happy. WOOT!~ :)

HAHAHA. like super hilarious rightz. i swear i was laughing to my computer screen & ppl would have thought i'd gone mad. HA. he really cracks me up something and to him: "no i'm not a nut, just cause i cracked!". HAHA. i love him luh. & i swear i dont wanna lose him cos he seriously makes me laugh like crazy & keeps me happy (most of the time. HA) goshness. and our conversation was truly based on some joke tht we were talking abt. it's not meant for anyone in particular (: heh.

well anws, there's alot been going on in my mind lately & to blog it all done would probably take a super long time & i've still got an RJC paper to do for gp tutorial tmrw which i have only a few hours left to finish since its now, 1:04 AM. gosh rightzzzz? and by the way, my fasting month re-starts for me from today onwards so i might be super drained in school from this week onwards which means that pls handle me with care. HA, tht sounds retarded but yeah, it goes out to some of my crazy friends like:

ANDREW, who was trying so hard to disturb me tht time & forced me to become thirsty so tht he could see whether i would be influenced to drink some water. EVIL RIGHTZZZ? stupid andrew. you sinner. HAHAHAHA. kidding luh. i'd still love you cos i'm nice (: and pls get well soon you sick person! heh.

okay then, bye all & to the people taking A's study hard cos we dont have much time left :/

2008-09-09T23:01:00.008+08:00

why all these heartaches?

so much of turmoil.

just chuck it, burn it;

& say what you need to say.

or maybe there's nothing to say at all :/

i swear i'm going to be super fat & ugly(then i alrdy am!) by the end of the A's luh. it seems like i'm eating everything at anytime.

but ohyes, my fasting month excited me cause i might lose weight in the process BUT, its halted for abt 1 week or so due to the consequence of being born a girl. and to the people out there who have absolutely no idea wht goes on in a muslim culture & stuff, well you know tht 'time of the month' when girls go all highly-emotional, become super sensitive & have bad mood-swings? actually when they get 'it' during the fasting month, they are not allowed to fast. interesting eh? HAHAHA. so good, we learn something new, everyday (:

and so i'm entitled to eat during the normal daily eating hours BUT in a school filled with other fasting kids and also other muslim kids in your class, its hard to chew on to anything without feeling alittle guilty & so i had to resort to pleading my friends to buy me food & secretly sneak away to a corner & stuff the foood in. trust me, it aint a fun thing to do & so i only do it when i really become super hungry. HAHAHAH.

oh & btw, sch hasnt been fun at all since it restarted. bad results and more 'lectures' from concerned teachers and not forgetting the principal & panic to search for consultation timeslots arent a big whole pool of joy. the stress & wake-up calls are pushing thru & only the toughest would be able to keep up without collapsing & believe me, i aint tht strong. but there's no time to stop & waste away our lives in emotional trauma including all the drama, no matter how tempting it may be. & i'm learning, trying to keep up & boy its hard but hey, nobody said A's was going to be a breeze so wish me luck for survival.

and this post was meant to just relieve myself & now i've to start doing maths, yes MATHS work which i promised to do by tutorial so as to not disappoint my tutor anymore.

oh and not forgetting another problem tht just happened to pop by in my life:

the attack of the swollen, puffy red eye.

yes, it's painful & i can barely stare at anything for more than half an hour BUT, i think My god is testing me and when you're faced with a challenge you just have to press on i guess. although with ALOT of whinings accompanying it too. HA. & check out the picture i tried to take of it. not a goood shot but i was trying to capture it's swollen-ness :/ although it's red-ness is not clearly seeen.

ohgosh, these pictures look HORRIBLE luh. HAHAHA. my apologies but hey if you spot me in school then you can come closer and stare at my eye IF it doesnt get better by tmrw cos i think i need sleep to let it like heal but considering the heaps or work to do, sleep isnt something i can think about now. so byeeeeeess.

EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY (:

2008-08-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

today was my Special day (:

& i think i'll let the pictures show you what happened cause i'm feeling rather lazy to type it all out.

oh btw, most of the pictures (or ALL) have been editted by me & i know my skills aint very good as i dont have the newest version of photoshop & i'm still an amateur so please excuse the rather funny looking photos. heh.

BUT, the raw photos are on facebook & you can gladly go and get them there or you can ask me to send it to you'll as NOT ALL the photos are in this post.

ENJOY (:

OH & WARNING!

(cos this post is rather photo-heavy it might take

ages to load so pls be patient!)

SURPRISEEEE!

THE BIRTHDAY SONG THEY SANG WAS AWESOME! (:
(esp with the additional beats and remix parts. HAHAHA)

HAPPY EIGHTEENTH YR-OLD (1)

HAPPY EIGHTEENTH YR-OLD (2)

MAKE A WISH! (:

ME AND MY CAKE (1)

ME AND MY CAKE (2)

the next picture will show you why i turned in this shot!

they smeared cake on me :/

NIGEL, RAIHAN, SHAWN, FAIZ, MARK,

PIRA, HARA, FIR, CHIAK & HAFITH! (:

THE SAME PEOPLE, ACTING CUTE!

HAHAHA (:

2A04! (:

MY CLASSSS AGAIN! (:

(with 2 extras ofcourse. HAHA)

AMIRA, PRIYA AND FIFA! (:

AGAINNN! (:

GUANJIE, KAIFENG, DARIAN, TIMOTHY, TIMO,

SAM, BEN, DENGYAO, JARED & JEROME! (:

AGAINNNN! (:

SANJIV, PIRA, PRIYA, SHAH,

HARA BESTIEE & GANESH! (:

JERRY, AMIRA, CS, FIFA,

XC, PRIYA & ALVIN! (:

SAM, JAKE, ESTRINA,

HP, ALAN & CONST! (:

LYD & STEPH! (:

(i have no idea where JO disappeared to :/ but this applies to all three of them. these three wonderful people are the ones who help to maintain my normal high & crazy self in class and they def keep my hyped up but pretty sane. HAHAHA. LOVE YOU'LL LOADS no matter what & i'm so glad i have you'll. thanks for being a super great help to my party toooo!)

my dearest FIFAAAAAAA! (:

(gosh, fifa thanks for being a super great help at my party

& you know i'll always LOVE YOU LOADS

cause you're one of my closest frens & even though exams

& busy schedules has kept us apart,

i cant wait for aft A's so that i can spent more time tgther & have fun with you. & this applies to amira tooo

who i unfortunately couldnt take photo with

cos she left early. so yeah,

LOVE YOU'LL BOTH LOADS & LOADS! )

FIFA AGAINNNNN! (:

ALANNN! (:

(omg, imy luh cos SR is soo not the same without you

and life was easier with u arnd to help me in SR. HAHA.

you've been like a super good BIG BROTHER to me,

who although annoys me,

has always been there for me.

LOVE YOU LOADS OKAY!)

HANPINNNN! (:

(you're one of the most retarded & ridiculous senior i know

but i wouldnt change you in any way.

LOVE YOU LOADS LA, HP! HAHA)

GANESHHH! (:
(gosh, you're like one of the bestest guyfriend
a girl could ever wish for
& SR aint the same without you.
imy ganesh & i'm super glad you came.
LOVE YOU LOADS OKAY!)

AGAINNNN! (:

FAIZZZ! (:

(OMG, i love you loads okay

cos you've been a great help ALWAYS,

and you're one of the nicest guyfrens i have!)

FLICK YOUR HAIR & BE A BIMBO.

HAHAHAHA (:

OMGGGZZZ!

DONT YOU THINK FAIZ & STEPH LOOK

SUPER CUTE & HILARIOUS.

HAHA (:

SHAWN WEEEEEE! (:

(mr wee, you're like a super nice brother to me

& i'll always love you loads okay! )

MR WEE AGAINNN! (:

SAYYYY CHIAK! (:

(omg, thanks for being a wonderful BBQ-BOY,

with the rest too. LOVE YA OKAY!)

MARKKKKKK! (:

(thanks for being one of the most AWESOME-EST helper

& entertainer at my party. LOVE YOU LOADSSS OKAY!)

MARCO POLO AGAINNN! haha (:

PRIYAAAAA! (:

(omg pops, you were like a GREAT help at my party luh

& i'm super greatful for it. love you always okay!)

AGAINNNNN! (:

NIGEL! (:

(gosh, he's does super funny & retarded things

most of the time. HAHA)

FIRRR! (:

(omg, he's super hilarious toooo. HAHA)

SAMMMM! (:

(one of my nicest seniors. heh.)

JAKE! (:

(omg, i lovee him cos he's hilarious. HAHA)

pretty ESTRINAAA! (:

CONST! (:

(i'm glad you moved nearer to my area. HAHA)

wonderful MONSTER! (:

this was taken to emphasize the height diff

between monster ( SHAH!) and steph.

HAHA.

my dearest PIRA-PIRA! (:

HAFITH!

(with his funnyy face. HAHA)

HIM AGAINNN! (:

THE TWO CRAZY CUCKOOS WHO PROVIDED GREAT ENTERTAINMENT AND WERE WONDERFUL HELPERS IN THE FOOD SECTION. LOVE YOU, FAIZ & MARK. YOU'LL WERE GREAT (:

this was lyd's 'brilliant' idea. HA

PS: i'm really sorry i couldnt take individual photos with the rest of the people cause i think you'll left earlier after taking the grp photos so i'm really apologetic for my party's bad planning of time & stuff but i still love ALL of you for coming & I appreciate it alot. love ya (:

2008-08-25T23:16:00.011+08:00

don't get caught up with what the world does, little girl.

i think i need to learn the importance of the word: NO!

and gosh, i'm starting to have a bad feeling about whats going to happen.
what if there's the wierd vibe again?
but regardless of it all, i'm entitled to my own happyness & HIGH-ness on that day & i've got some great friends who agreed to be high with me (: YAY. hahahhaha

besides that i've been browsing thru my usual online shopping webbies & i got tempted again. but no, i didn't buy stuff yet but i'm planning. hahahaha.

omg, did i tell you about my miraculous ACCESORIZE box wallet? okays it's not exactly like this but it's this shape and instead the colour outside is black and the insides are FREAKING PINKKKKKK. like omg omg omg right. hahahaha. but i have no idea why i didn't buy it on the spot. hahahha. but i really want it. don't know whether it's still there. i saw it in the city hall outlet. booooos. welll, here's a HINT HINT for the people who've been pestering me abt what i want (: HA. although i doubt you all would find it la. but still, can try (:

and hmmm what else? gosh i can't think of anything. you know what. i really really mean it when i say 'your presence matters more than your presents'. so please, just come okay. i'll be more than happy if you'll make the effort to come. it'll mean ALOT to me (: heh. infact, as far as presents go, they don't really mattter to me (: heh.

i've got hist paper tmrw at 1pm and i'm blogging, planning how much food to order, chatting online & getting the number of people who are coming AND being TOTALLY ANXIOUS for thursday. gosh i hope i don't die of excitement/anxiousness by then. HAHAH. i think i need some sleep to calm myself. so BYES.

and honestly, you make me scared. trust me you definitely do. these words are my hardest. unexplainably. one phrase that fits now is, "i've been damaged before". and your past wasnt very bright and soothing either. i'm lost. i don't want this & definitely not now.
control, is something i need to master.

2008-08-24T03:06:00.011+08:00

one of the hardest things to do in life is, to trust.

firstly,

this part of my post is fully dedicated to my 'all-star' & talented bestfriend,

MR K.HARAVIN

who although, did kind of force me or rather BRIBE me to post about him,

i still would have wrote about him on my own accord as i am definitely SUPER PROUD of him (:

it seems, our school soccer teacher has chosen HIM, along with 2 others to head on to BEIJING at the end of the year to play soccer, along with alot of other chosen players from other schools and stuff. it definitely is a great honour and a wonderful opportunity for him & i'm sure he'll do his best there (: heh.

HAPPY NOW? haha.

but yeah, i love him loads so i'm truely happy for him & honestly would miss him when i graduate from SRJC :/

well on to other things,
i've been watching pick-me-up movies lately as well movies that i've been wanting to catch in a pretty long time. although, the well known fact is that i'm having the life-threatening PRELIMSSS. infact, i haven't exactly got the whole, 'prelims are a gauge for how you'll do in your A's thing' right into my head. thats why, i spent my. 2 whole days of study break (plus the day before tht, on which i chose to stay at home cos of my cold) watching OLYMPICS on the teevee or recouping sleep by just slogging away. and mind me, olympics has been a GREAT distraction thats been hard to get over. i mean have you watched it? the athletes are so determined to win at all cost and most of them are pretty goodlooking. HAHA. and omg, my favourite: the RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS is absolutely stunning. the girls are ohmygosh. hahahahaha. its like looks & elegance all in one (:

ohwells, other than that, i refuse to talk abt my papers other than they all equate to badddd with a capital B. HA. except my econs paper 1 in which i only got to read my case studies extract. yes people, for the FIRST EVER time in my life i actually left the hall and didn't complete my paper. well the thing is, i skipped my breakfast, lunch & dinner the day before & on the day of the paper i skipped breakfast cos i didnt want to be late to sch. plus i drank my favourite drink: ice lemon teaaa on an empty stomach :/ oh, before you'll run to conclusions, i didn't do it intentionally cos the day before i woke up late and i ate after my paper cos we had a private celebration for Steph's birthday with Lyd & Jo so i wasn't hungry for dinner. that was why i didn't eat much. so yeah, because of all of these, a few minutes before the paper started my gastric pains came back & this time is was the worst-case kind. it was the one where it felt like your stomach was eating itself up inside :/ let me tell you, it aint a GOOOD FEEELING ): ha.

and i tried to bear with the pain when i entered the hall to do the paper but while i was highlighting the extract, i really couldnt take it so i raised my hand and the teacher brought me out. and my, the teachers were rather nice and caring. they even offered me bread & milk (: HAH. so yeah, signed early leave form and daddy picked me up to go to the docs. oh oh, and thanks to dearest jerome who saw me waiting pitifully, in pain at the general office for my daddy to come fetch me, and actually bought me a packet of sweets to eat. hahaha. so sweet & thoughtful. thank you jerome! (: well then my family doc thought i was 'dieting' but she gave me med and after eating them, it did make my tummy feel wierd. like little people walking all over in my tummy :// HAHAHHA. super funnny feeling. heh. well other than that, my week was pretty bland and all the papers were suffocating. & even though hist was the only paper i read thru my books and stuff for, the chapters i read thru didn't come out so all my papers were hopeless. but i'm hoping i'll revise properly this weekend so that i can do manageably well for my papers on tues & wed.
and then, it'll be my Special day on thurs (:
honestly, i'm anxious & hopefully the party goes on as well as its planned. i'm still in the midst of making the invitations though.

oh and today, i was out shopping for my one of my birthday gift. heh. someone wanted to buy it for me early and i was definitely touched. i was pretty high till i saw something though. talk abt bad luck or how L would put it, My GOD is definitely telling me something and it's up to me to take the hint or just never learn from mistakes. so i've been thinking. ALOT. and i need to learn & change & i'm going to try, no matter how hard it'll be. heh and my dearest cheena man, BENNNN told me to quickly get over it so i will okay. i'm just a little slow at these things. BUT thanks for being there for me & saying that you'll always listen to me if i need someone to talk to. hahahaha. love you loads (:

okays, i need to be off to get some sleep cos i've got loads to do tmrw. byes!

2008-08-16T18:51:00.010+08:00

although a new layout is meant to bring out freshness.

i've pretty much lost the energy that comes along with the temptation to blog.

thus, i might be on a pretty long hiatus.

or i might pop by,

once in a while.

though,

everything depends on moood in my world.

so count on your luck, if you wanna read something.

2008-06-23T02:21:00.004+08:00

SCHOOL STARTS IN A FEW HOURS TIME.

feeling: wierddd.

econs.gp.hist

work not done ):

new timetable.

nothing else is new.

instead of doing work, been watching tv/using the computer.

FEELS LIKE:

trying to enjoy everything before going back to 'prison' ?

gosh; pretty much screwed :/

THE NEED TO SURVIVE.

2008-06-20T02:35:00.004+08:00

but my sin is always my sin - ANNE SEXTON

'not-in-a-good-mood' day.
somehow i have no idea/clue WHY.
i tried explaining to a few significant ones but nothing.
yes, i realised i'm not good at phrasing my thoughts.
i just kept beating around the bush or ended up not making any sense at all.
but i have to say, i'm rather thankful for the dearest ones who listened & who cared to try & understand.

had class bbq at pasir ris today.
it was rather normal i guess.
i had second thoughts abt whether to go or not.
since i have MILLION amts of work to be done before the faithful monday arrives.
but i decided to go in the end cause i wanted to show that i was supportive of the whole idea of CLASS BONDING/CLASS UNITY.
but i have to say it was rather bland cause there was nothing much to do as we didn't prepare much.
and halfway me and ter went over to jason & james birthday chalet for awhile to as ter wanted to pass her presents, so went we came back, our classmates already played a game of truth & dare and so there was nothing else to do.
but i did meet chester & andrew & alot of other people that i knew in the other chalet so i guess it was okay.
but i have to say, there was a certain wierd vibe going on at that chalet.
i shan't elaborate.

so yeah, came back & took alot of photos with the class people & i was ready to head home.( photos will be up soon)
got home and kept whining to certain people.
i still think i made no sense but whattheheck cause i'm glad there were people who cared.
overall though, i still think i feel wierd due to human behaviour.
the whole, need for attention, socialising, everything & anything.
sickening yet so indulging & tempting.
ughh, i have no idea if people would get what i truly mean but i guess i just need to learn to express.

so yeah, i'm off to continue watching dearest PORTUGAL, try to win.
GOOOOOO C.RONALDO (:
i'll support you all the way, no matter what others say.
gosh, he's mine mine mine.
HAHAHAHA.

oh & btw, THANK YOU TO DEAREST DY.
although you were being TOTALLY ANNOYING at first.
HAHAHA.
but you made me happy with your nonsense la.
even your 'brooklyn' made me happy.
hahahs.
love you loads okay.
(even if you're a FLIRT! HAHAHA. KIDDDINGZZZ(: )
better study hard, my dearest NERD.
hahs.
and i will study hard to; or TRY to.

oh oh and not forgetting MR. T
HAHAHAHA.
thanks for cheering me up too.
and making me feel so loved & happy.
i'm glad tht you'll be there for me & i'll be there for you too, okay (:
love you loads okay & you BETTER study.
no more games for you ah.
HAHAHAH, work hard!

and G,
thanks for asking about me, online.
you've been a great online buddy & always looked out for me.
yeah, you tried your bestest too & i'm glad you were there.
oh and wake up super early to get your laptop okay.
i'll pray that you'll get it.
AHAHAH (:

okays, i hafta go.
dearest portugal is losing desperately ): and omg i just realised i have to be at sentosa with ter and some of the volleyball guys in a few hours time. gosh, i'm going to have like NO ENERGY tmrw, for sure. boooos. hopefully i can survive. or maybe i shld just listen to DY and cancel ALL plans and stay at home & SLEEEEP or rather, STUDYYYYY.

ughh, idk. LOST :/

2008-06-08T23:55:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISTER RETARDED VOLLEYBALL CAPTAIN,

JARED WOON WEI JIE (:

HAHAHA.

the only picture we took. HAHAH ( SR MUSICAL! )

anyway, today was jared's SURPRISE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION.

(although it didn't end up the way that we planned it to)

but it turned out good in the end.

so anw me, steph, ter and hk reached jared's hse at arnd 8 plus to SURPRISE him.

BUT we were locked out ):

yes! so we sat there like dumbos waiting for some kind soul in his hse to eventually wake up and open the door.

we did try msging him & calling him like a million times & even tried knocking on his door and ringing his doorbell, but to no avail.

we were sooo desperate that we were even thinking of finding a way to climb in thru the windows.

HAHAHA.

this was all due to our bad planning of not remembering to inform jared's parents beforehand.

cause it was supposedly OBVIOUS, that no normal soul would wake up soooo early on a SUNDAY morning :/

okay, technically it was my fault, but i didn't know that jared & his family would be sooo unreach-able/uncontactable.

can you believe tht even his bestfriend didn't have his house number?

HAHAHAHA.

so we alll sat there and they were all cursing him and saying things like how the family is like in it's own world with no house phone & stuff & jerome was LATE so we were waiting for him to join us too ( oh & btw, jared HAS a house phone. he just forgot to give ppl the number. HAHAHA)

OH OH, and eventually we found out that jerome HAD THE NUMBER.

so, IF he was early, we, the DUMBOS, could have called the house and gotten in earlier.

ohwells.

so yes, when i kept knocking, suddenly jared's PRETTY mummy opened the door and with a scared face, she said " what do you want?" HAHAHA.

it was hilarious but scary at the same time.

after she found out that we were there to CELEBRATE, she immediately became soooo HAPPY & LIVELY.

(oppposite of jared. SERIOUSLY OPPOSITE. hahaha. wonder where her happiness went to? his brother? HAHAHAH)

so yeah, she woke jared up and he looked SO STUNNED.

gosh.

we were alittle scared with his expression but i realised that if i was chatting with him online at 2am plus then he must have slept at 3am plus so we excused him for his SLEEPY & STUNNED look. ( and mind you, i only forced myself to sleep at 2 plus so as to be able to get up in time to travel ALL THE WAY to his house in simei to surprise him.)

so anw, the rest of us just made ourselves feel at home and jared was walking arnd doing his own things.

eventually we made him cut his cake and feed his parents the cake.

HAHAHA.

it was such a HAPPY FAMILY moment ( sadly, his bro was at camp :/)

OH OH and his CUTE parents gave him birthday KISSES.

it seemed as though they were MORE excited for his birthday then him.

so yeah, we waited for him to bathe/change & ter left for church.

the rest of us went down to eat tau-hway cause we were HUNGRYYY & we followed the simei-ans (HK & JARED) to their WONDERFUL, SG'S SMALLEST SIMEI PARK. hahahaha.

they were all praises abt how cool their simei is & how it has only a few buses and that it's probably one of the smallest place in sg (:

so yeah, sat at the 'park' playground and bonded with the kids there.

or more like we were talking nonsense & the kids just ran arnd, played catching & SWING (:

HAHAHAHA.

then we went to buy cards ( his house has got NO GAMES to play) & went up to play a few card games.

me and steph were newbies so hk & jerome were teaching us the games.

jared however was being SUPER HIGH & doing superbly retarded things & teaching us WRONG stuff.

so played played till ter called and it was off to tamp mall for KUNGFU PANDA.

ate at kopitiam while waiting for the movie to start & we saw, MR SHAWN WEEEE (:

hahahaha.

he CLAIMED he was going to STUDY!

WOOOHOOO.

hahaha. obviously i didn't believe and he just showed his middle finger.

TYPICALLLS.

hahahaha.

had a small chat with him, ate, talked nonsense with the rest, STEPH LEFT TO MEET PARENTS ): then we went to watch the movie.

randomly picked our seatings and watched the movie.

it was soooo FUNNY.

and the panda was CUTEEEEEEE. ( I WANT A PANDA SOFT TOY! )

hahahahaha.

BUT BUT, my butt started hurting cause the seats were so uncomfortable.

i think all of us were fidgeting arnd. HAHAHA.

hmmm so came out, walked in circles & ended up in STARBUCKS (:

wooooohs.

my favouritest place.

had my CARAMEL FRAPPE & shared cheesecake with hk.

he was sick btw.

GET WELL SOON HK (:

so yeah, sat, talked and HK & JARED made us do some thinking riddles like thingy.

somehow the 'no-sleep for 2 days' thing had started to take a toll on me so i grew quiet. (was doing jared's birthday present with steph & jo's help too!/and had stayed online to make sure jared didn't have plans today!)

& on top of that i had no energy to think for the riddles so as jerome & ter tried to solve them over and over again, i just sat there, silently.

HAHAHA.

felt wierd, but was too tired to do anything. heh.

so yeah, they talked somemore then walked me to the mrt to send me off & then ter off.

overall, i think it was a great day & i bet he was touched :D

we wanted to make his birthday SPECIAL & make sure he's not alone, since his close friends are away at camp and i guess we did accomplish our MISSION :D

WOOOHHOOOOO.

so MR JARED WOON,

thanks for being such a wonderful BIRTHDAY BOY & being sooo HIGH today.

hope you really really enjoyed the day.

may all your DREAMS & WISHES come true.

oh, and goodluck for the A's too, so you better WORK HARD!

and and, hope we made you feel SUPER SPECIAL,

cause that's what friends are for :D

P.S: THANK YOU TO DEAREST STEPH & JO FOR YOUR HELP IN MAKING THE GIFT LOOK PERFECT. LOVE YOU'LL LOADS :D

P.P.S: I'VE GOT BROWN HIGHLIGHTS. GOSH GOSH. GOT THEM YSTD (:

[if you see me arnd, come closer to look at my hair! heh.]

2008-06-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

PHOTOS FROM JARED WOON'S BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.

[they are all from ter's blog cause we only managed to use her cam]

ME & STEPH while waiting outside.

[don't mind the uglyness cause it was SUPER EARLY MORNING with very little time to dress up ): but note the BROWN HIGHLIGHTS (: (: ]

HK! being bored when we were LOCKED OUTSIDE (:

THE SLEEPY/STUNNED BIRTHDAY BOY :D

THE CAKE!

[that i had to rush to bedok interchange & buy, the night before since i was near tanah merah]

BIRTHDAYYY WISHHH (:

HAPPY FAMILY!
[with PRETTY MUMMY & SUPERNICE DADDY; sadly BRO NOT THERE ):]

HAAHHA. FORCED HIM TO FEED HIS DADDY (:

HAHAHA. they are such RETARDS!

JARED, TER & HK

SICK HK with the OREO CHEESECAKE (:

BIRTHDAY BOY with his FAVOURITE GREENTEA drink with NO WHIPPED CREAM :/[EWWWW!] HAHAHAHA :D

2008-06-01T01:00:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY CLOSEST 'VOLLEYBALL-STAR',

GUANJIE!

hahahahaha.

i bet you were SUPERDUPER SHOCKED & HAPPY to receive my midnight HAPPY BIRTHDAY call & my HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCREAMS right?

hahahha.

you lucky thing.

heh.

and and your present is stil with me so hurry up & come & collect it from me or else it might just end up getting dusty.

HAHAHAHA.

OH and we still have to do our 'oh-so-wonderful' CIP together :/

booooos.

i'll find something FUN to do (: heh.

and anw, hope you had a great birthday & may all your dreams and wishes come true.

must study hard for the A's okay.

although i know you're already studying SUPER HARD.

so don't give up (:

and stay your nonsense self; don't lose yourself along the way ( no matter what others say)

i'll support you, my dearest loser (:

HAHAHAHA.

loveloves :D

AND AND AND.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST MUMMY!

hope you liked your present alot.

and although we don't tell you (and make fun of you ALL THE TIME),

i'm sure bro and i love you LOADS & LOADS.

so don't you get hurt by what we say.

we're just kidding (:

HAHAHA.

anyway, hope all your dreams and wishes come true.

and hope you live for long long long.

cause we love you and we want you to stay.

loveloads mummy :D

2008-05-31T04:59:00.014+08:00

2A04 at SR MUSICAL in RP (: [missing 3 guys & a few girls]

ADA & FADIAH!

CUCKOO HANPIN & SAM! [this was taken to make ALAN jealous.HAHA]

BECKHAM BECKHAM BECKHAM :D

SHAWN WANTED TO BE A PIMP. HAHA (:

AGAIN!

TWO OF MY CLOSEST PPL IN SCH.

FIFA & AMIRA (:

THE ONES THAT MAKE SCH MORE BEARABLE (:

THEY MAKE SCH SO MUCH MORE EXCITING

& TOLERABLE :D

LOVE THEM ALLL.

PS: and to the ones who i didn't manage to take photos with, it doesn't mean i love you any less. just didn't get to catch you at the right time. HAHA. but anyway, hopefully we can take another time (:

2008-05-24T21:36:00.005+08:00

ESCAPISM:

- the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.
- the tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment.

hmm well that has been the situation for my midyears.
and although i've been laughing about it & joking arnd to the whole wide world,
it doesn't mean i'm delighted about the lack or rather no amount of revison that i've been doing.
i just told myself to do the paper, get over with it & vow to start working on my foundations in the 'holidays' so that i can try to do well for my PRELIMS.
and so, that is what i'm going to work hard to do.
so study datesss, here i come.
HAHA.

and regarding a certain issue.
there is NO hate, on my part.
seriously.
just and extended hand and hope.
to see change that is.
friendship aint an easy thing to handle.
and false promises won't do much either.
so it's up to you to change,
cause we're open to anything.
and just stop preaching.
pretty please.
all you can do now is better yourself & change.
please & thankyou.

AND AND TO MY DEAREST DOLPHINMAN, DENGYAO!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
WOOHOOOO (:
you're finally 18 dude, so now you can go more clubbing.
HAHAHA!
hope your dreams & wishes come true & must work hard for the A's okay!
we shld go out for more movies tgther & i still have your birthday present cause you've still yet to meet me. heh!
and and and, there's no picture of you here cause you REFUSED.
so i shall respect your wish, FOR NOW (:
HAHAHAHA.
(PS: this orange is to match your favourite ODAC shirt!)

2008-05-14T01:24:00.005+08:00

firstly,

HAPPY BELATED 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST CHEENA MAN, BEN QUACK QUACK!

hahahahah.

i love you & the nonsense that you do.

you're a great friend to have and i'm deeply ashamed that i wished you late.

but hopefully by dedicating this part to you, i can be forgiven (:

anw, hope you had a TREMENDOUS birthday & don't forget to study SUPER HARD okay.

WE CAN DO IT, BEN (:

lots of love!

oh, and i'm glad we took this picture on the day of the musical so everyone can see your wonderful face. HAHA.

well, school's been pretty hectic so far.

which explains the lack of blogging.

loads of things have happened:

- SR MUSICAL

- study sessions with different grps of ppl (AIRPORT & school)

- emotional turmoils over utterly irrational yet sensitive feelings

- reaching understandings

- GOSSIP GIRL'S BACK & it's still as good.

- more LATE NIGHTS in school.

- tears, whines and more complainings.

- trying to organize priorities well.

- and ofcourse, HOUSE RENOVATIONS ):

okay, technically i should be rather happy for the renovations that have been going on for about 2 to 3 weeks so far.

and mind you, it still hasn't ended.

yeah, precisely why i'm so annoyed with the fact that it just made my past few weeks less productive and more chaotic than it should have been.

school stress is already enough to deal with and add on the renovation mess at home, that gives me a whole load of headaches.

can you imagine i had to actually spend one week with no proper table & wardrobe & had to live by boxes.

yes, ALL my books & clothes were packed into boxes so as to await the building of my new wardobe & table and stuff.

but thankfully now most of the stuff has been built and although it's still rather messy & the renovation isn't over yet, things are improving, slowly.

but lets not forget the fact that i still have the strenuous task of arranging EVERYTHING back into these new wardrobe, study table/cupboard.

ughhh.

the thought of it just makes me feel like running away from home.

ohwell, that did sound immature but still.

i've got enough to deal with and i don't need this extra responsibilities.

and i recently found out that my ESCAPIST strategy is to sleep.

yeah.

if i feel that there's too much to do or too much to handle & i can't take it anymore, i just lie on my bed and SLEEP.

and this sleep can last for numerous hours.

there were even time when i told myself i would wake up to study after awhile cause i couldn't start and in the end, i would only be awake the next morning instead.

which means that all the work & studying is left undone.

so now, the thing i have to avoid at all costs is the temptation to sleep.

even though, the funny thing is that, although i sleep for long, i still fell lethargic and tired.

it's not those kind of sleep where you feel refreshed after you wake up.

hmmm, strange isn't it?

ohwells, MYE are arriving soon.

and i told myself that i would not give up TOTALLY like i did for common tests.

although there isn't much time left for revision, i would still just try and do as much as i can.

and hopefully, my marks wouldn't be so miserable.

yet, we have to take into acct that this time, it is the whole full paper and so it's going to be rather tough :/

but i'll try.

wooooh!

and things that are coming up to look forward to:

- KING LEAR PROJECT!

- loads of MUGGING during the june 'holidays'

(ok, i'm not looking forward to that but ohwells, it has to be done)

- HOPEFULLY, a little bit of shopping (:

hmm, that's all for now i think.

i'll post up the musical pictures and airport pictures pretty soon.

bye (:

2008-04-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

She was tired of just existing; She wanted to live

- P.S I LOVE YOU(the book)

thanks to dearest TIMOTHY, i've finally gotten hold of the book P.S I LOVE YOU, which i've been asking arnd for since like long long ago. and it's been pretty good so far. i've teared a few times already. HAHA.

anw, today was HONGKIAT'S birthday. yes, so HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY HONKY! hahaha. my dearest maths 'tutor' who's helped me with various things in school (: heh. love you loads & may you do superduper well for you A's (i'm pretty sure you can! heh). hmm so yeah. helped out in his 'surprise birthday celebration then waited for them to end training to go for his birthday dinner with some of the volleyballers and some others too. later on, some of us went for pool. considering my WONDERFUL skills at pool, i preferred to be just the CHEERLEADER! hahaha. but omg, JIANRONG is like so pro at pool sia. his hits are so slow yet accurate and ever so gentle. HAHAH. he promised to teach me one day (: hopefully he can pass on his wonderful skills to me! heh. so yeah, i was pretty HYPER, (cause i needed to push aside other feelings. i've told myself, jealousy aint good) until i had to go off earlier then the rest ): but i guess the day was quite okay. heh. i realised alot of things though. things i kind of realised earlier but were much clearer now. and i think i've grown stronger & learned who to trust and stuff. although i agree i can be pretty naive and gullible. HAHA.ohwells.

well, that's all i can remember. hahaha. off to do work (:

2008-04-23T22:55:00.006+08:00

take for granted, how much i care.

i wonder.

if it was all that easy for you to push aside the feelings.

or maybe you didnt have any at all?

the week's ending tmrw.

it's pretty fast aint it.

hahah.

and i can't even remember whether anything productive was accomplished this week.

everyday feels like a routine thing where all i remember is just going to school, managing thru lessons, staying back to study(somedays) & then coming home, hoping to do more work but ending up falling asleep & then the cycle starts again :/

boooos.

and before i knew it, friday's here already.

gosh, the years passing pretty damn fast.

anyway, today had econs extra lesson from 5 to 6.

then waited for faiz & raihan & the clique went to eat 'tau-hway'(beancurd!).

hahaha.

we just happen to have sudden cravings.

then came back school to study with timothy and darian.

it was okay la.

atleast i managed to do my hist timed practice which has been overdue for ages.

heh (:

then left with mingling for home after that.

oh and this is what our gp teacher has deduced about my class:

teacher: why is it that the class seems racially divided. like the four malay girls always sit together and the two indian boys (elvin & navin) always sit together. you'll should mix with other races.

my class: we do mix with each other. we're closer than you think yknow. and just because we don't sit with each other in class doesn't mean we're not close! ( the WHOLE class agrees to this)

teacher: well i hope that is the case cause it really looks like there is a racial divide. oh except for sharifa who's the only indian girl who sits with EVERYONE in class (:

(WHOLE CLASS LAUGHS, including me!)

HAHAHAHAH.

hopefully she meant it in a good way.

i really hope i'm not too friendly or something.

atleast not to the extent where it gives someone a bad impression of me or makes them annoyed :/

well, i don't mean no harm.

i'm just like that.

gosh.

oh & i suddenly realised how certain people have matured & some just stay their childish self.

yeah.

i've been doing alot of thinking.

thinking about thinking (like how our gp teacher said).

i can't say that it has changed me alot, cause i'm pretty much the same.

but it's increased my realizations.

it's made me want to question certain things further.

things like, how am i supposed to offer my comfort/ words of advice if i don't apply them myself?

how am i supposed to emphasize the importance of confidence when i aint that confident of myself?

but yet, i still do.

and the outcomes from my friends are the reasons as to why i try my best to be there for anyone who seeks help/advice from me.

besides, i'm a strong believer of not letting anyone down.

ohwells, i've got loads of work piling up.

luckily the weekends nearing & next week, there's a LONG weekend!

HAHAHA.

we have COLLEGE DAY & SR MUSICAL at RP.

which gives us a day to let loose, dress up & have loads of fun.

woah.

hopefully hara & pira they all can join the j2 show timing instead of the j1 one.

it'll be sooo much more fun with them around (:

heh.

and i can't wait to go shopping for clothes with my friends for that day.

finally something to look forward too.

okay, i'm off to do work.

got what i would have wanted.

but it doesn't mean anything.

i know it aint a big deal, this time.

cause there's no significance.

although i teared.

it's just my unstable emotions.

something that i've been struggling to push aside.

& i'm managing, though it's hard.

it's easy for you though, right?

cause there weren't much to begin with.

it's just me now.

just me, chasing pavements.

2008-04-22T20:28:00.002+08:00

LEONA LEWIS - BETTER IN TIME

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

this song just felt like a feel-good song. so yeah, listen to it (:

2008-04-22T20:04:00.000+08:00

Jealousy aint good, little girl.

so, push it aside like every other feeling.

woah, i haven't blogged for a pretty long time.

and things been rather hectic.

on top of that, my house is in a total mess due to the renovation that's going on.

three out of the four toilets are being renovated which means there's like dust/dirt/construction stuff EVERYWHERE.

since my toilet is in my room, there is dust on every part of my room, including my study table :/

(this is also one of the reasons why i'm studying in sch)

and and this is just the BEGINNING ):

after they do all the toilets, they'll be doing the room renovations!

this is all going to happen during and before my mid year exam week.

gosh gosh, i'm so dead.

i'll probably end up having to study anywhere else other than my house.

which means CHAOS since all my worksheets & stuff are spread around my study table at home.

sheeeshh.

anyway, i didn't go sch today.

i didn't feel too well & it's a pretty long day.

oh & there was A-level chem spa today.

so had to wish my friends thru msges.

ohwells, HOPE YOU DID YOUR BEST, PPL! (:

heh.

okay let me recap alittle.

saturday was spent fully in johore bahru.

went shopping with family cause it's been pretty long since we went there due to the traffic jam and stuff.

and i managed to buy loads of things that i really needed (:

sunday we had excursion with my sunday class.

learnt a few important things and managed to take some photos.

will try to upload them if they turn out nice (:

& then ystd was okay i guess.

the school day was short which was great.

i love mondays cause we always end early.

then studied in school with timothy,kaifeng,danial and darian joined us later.

it was pretty entertaining & i did get some work done.

but the sad part was that my bag broke.

yeah, depressing!

it was brand new actually.

i just bought it in jb.

and it was probably my fault cause i stuffed ALOT of things into it.

but still, i actually loved it & it just had to break.

fortunately my dad says there's a way to fix it.

so there's hope.

& i still HATE MY HAIR.

or rather, my fringe.

it sucks to the core & it refuses to grow quickly.

thus, i have to wait ever-so patiently ):

and withstand all the evil teasings from my guyfriends.

arghh.

during the weekends i did alot of reflecting.

especially in the long ride to jb on saturday.

what my bestfriend told me made me think about alot of things.

but what the heck.

just let me smile, cause i deserve to.

yeah, i do.

and school stuff is really becoming very hectic.

ystd, my gp teacher confiscated my phone cause i was msging guanjie, goodluck for the volleyball competition :/

and i felt so lost.

like my phone has become such a big part of me.

i know, i sound so hopeless & bimbotic but really.

gosh, it just felt so wierd.

and luckily she said she would return it to me when school ended which was only 2hrs away.

i actually teared infront of her.

she thought i was scared that my parents would find out but that was so not the case.

i just tear ALL THE TIME, for the simplest things.

it cannot be helped and people who are close to me would know that,

haha, i'm so weird.

gosh, she probably thought i'm mental or something.

heh (:

ohwells.

i need to go study for my econs test tmrw which i have absolutely no confidence in doing well since i'm so lost during lectures & tutorials.

i need help :/

but i think i need to help myself first.

so yeah, better be off.

i thought about it through.

whats the point?

that's what people keep telling me.

my friends even called you a jerk.

for what you're doing.

but i defended, cause i know what you're feeling.

oh wait, i THINK i do.

and its hard for me to give up.

i told myself after last year

that i'm so over this kind of pain.

i told myself, no distractions.

i told myself, not to fall for anyone.

cause i knew that if i did.

i'd fall pretty hard.

and guess what?

i fell hard for you, since that day.

& it's hard to get back up again.

2008-04-16T02:21:00.000+08:00

ohh and here's more pictures from PILLOWMAN day!

HAHAHA(:

and this is what happens if you give lyd the camera and she's bored: RANDOM SHOT!

OKAY THAT'S ALL (:

2008-04-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

how about you give me one day (yet again)
just one day.

i want to sit with you & talk till the night falls.

tell you everything.

and watch you listen to me, patiently.

like that day.

tmrw's SR OLYMPICS!

WOOHOO.

and i'm going to be a CHEERLEADER tmrw!

HAHA.

since i'm not participating in any events, i shall do what i do best:

CHEER! (:

heh.

i shall just run arnd and cheer for whoever i feel like cheering for.

besides, i just found out that not alot of pegasus people are taking part so obviously there won't be much pegasus people to cheer for, thus i will have to cheer for my friends in OTHER houses :/

ohwells.

hahaha.

hopefully i can have enough energy till the end of the day.

wooh!

okay, currently i'm stuck on four songs:

1) No Air by Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown

2) Cant Help But Wait by Trey Songz (from StepUp 2 Soundtrack)

3) Dance Like There's No Tmrw by Paula Abdul & Randy Jackson

4) Running Away by Midnight Hour

i strongly suggest that you'll go and listen to these cause they're pretty good.

if you can't find the songs then come find me & i'll send them to you(:

HAHA.

and anw today was TIRING with a capital T.

we had school till like 7 cause of lit star and extra hist lecture.

i was supposed to study in school but there was some miscommunication with my 'study friends' and so i decided to go home.

bummed into ter in the concourse and then hongky and jared & then we ended up going for dinner together.

when we reached kovan, we bummed into steph who was there with wilfred, leo and 2 other councillors.

HAHA.

so we all ended up eating dinner at the same place then waited with steph for her bus to come & then i left for home.

i actually told myself i must do work today but when i went online i ended up talking to alot of people & telling them to join me in my cheerleading tmrw until now it's already 2:00 am.

gosh gosh i only have a few hours more till i'm expected to wake up!

HAHAHA.

i need the energy man if not i'll confirm die tmrw cos i WANT to be my hyper self and camwhore with amira, fifa, steph, ter, jo and lyd (:

oh and P.S, i told JERRY to tag that in my tag board but the second part was his HONEST OPINION!

hahah.

thanks jerry! (:

gosh, i'm proud of myself.

i handled it pretty well,

don't you think?

for the jealous wreck

that i was being like

since the start of the day.

i actually managed to be normal,

and pretended like nothing happened

yet i keep getting the feeling

that you can see right through me,

since i opened up to you.

so, can you?

2008-04-14T13:00:00.000+08:00

made friends with the extroverts & fell for the Introvert.

gosh, its sunday already & tmrw there's school.
the weekend just went past like a whirlwind :/
ohwells, let me do a recap on the highlights of this week.

last sunday was PILLOWMAN!
it was great even though there was loads of morbid scences & swearing.
SHANE was the hott stuff although ADRIAN PANG was not pretty bad himself.
the rest of the cast was awesome too.
well written & well acted out.
after that went for dinner & pictures-taking with JO & LYD.
we did alot of stupid things and loads of fun.
it was a pity that steph & ter had to leave and couldn't come along ):
but nonetheless, we had a good time.
clarke quay is by far one of the GREATEST place to be at in the nighttime :D
(sorry can't put the pictures up cos stupid blogger is screwed up but i'll put it up pretty soon!)

schoolweek was so-so i think.
can't quite remember much things cause i think only the usual happened.
ohh but i did stay back almost everyday after school to study till nighttime.
yups.
i even managed to study one day with guanjie and another day i studied with these CRAZY 4 guys from 2S21!
HAHAHAH.
it was DARIAN(NERDboy), TIMOTHY(EVILguy), KAIFENG(EGONESS!), DANIAL(SILENTpsycho).
HEHEH.
i tell you it was one SUPER CRAZY nightstudy time.
and somehow or rather, i did manage to do work.
yeah, i know it's unbelievable but it's true.

hmm then there was this hilarious incident in econs class.

our teacher: for people that watch chinese/korean dramas, they only do it cause they love fairytale-like stories. where the guys bring you to a big open field or some big space then ask you to shout to vent out your frustrations or let out your feelings & emotions. they let you say "wei ser-more". (sorry my spelling is probably inaccurate but the meaning of it is supposed to be 'WHYY!', i think! hah.) and they say it along with you.
classmates: ( laugh along and agree to what she says!)
our teacher: besides ah, i think compared to all the races, chinese guys are the most GENTLE-EST ones. really! they say indian & malay guys can be violent and stuff so chinese are the best. besides, indian and malay guys cannot shout "WEI SER-MORRE!" with you.

HAHAHAHAHAH.
gosh, i was practically falling off my seat, laughing.
and yet, i couldn't help but agree to it by a great extent & relate to it.
ohhh and i learnt something else from a friend this week.
'everything's a gamble; it's up to your luck whether it works out or not'
his ever-so 'wise' words.
HAHAH.

and friday was INTERNATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY!
i went around school wishing EVERYBODY.
HAHAHAH.
i bet i made them feel loved.
heh (:
and we got back our PW results.
it was bummer really cos after all that searching for information, re-doing AGAIN & AGAIN or our powerpoint slides,documents and other stuff, i just got a C.
but somehow, after i read the comments and stuff i kind of guessed that i would get a C. but some of my classmates were pretty unprepared for their grade and they cried.
i couldn't help but feel bad so i had to comfort alot of people.
it made me feel alittle uneasy with myself cos there i was trying not to think abt it and be positive but arnd me people were weeping away.
but ohwells, i managed and then i met chuin sin and i did some catching up with her!
heh, it's been a long time since i talked to her too (:
nowadays there's rarely any time to just see someone & talk to them for long.
NO TIME AT ALL.
ohwells.

anyway, to people who are disappointed over their grades (especially YOU) :
don't worry about it okay.
like i said, sometimes things won't turn out like we expect them to.
no matter how hard or to what extent we go to just to make it the way we want them to be.
yet, we are not supposed to give up.
every failure given to us is just to make us STRONGER.
and make us want to work harder.
so yes, we're allowed to feel a tinge of disappointment but now, we must work super harder for the other subjects.
do super duper well for them so that the pw grade doesn't matter anymore.
and i'm sure you can do it.
yeah, i believe in you & i'll be behind you, no matter what(even if you push me away).
so don't give up & you'll have wonderful A-level grades next year.
and i'll be cheering/clapping for you really loudly cause i would love to see you happy.
jiayou! (:

so yeah, ystd i went for hair treatment & got my fringe cut.
it's like pretty short now and i look like i have bangs :/
(i would love to put the picture up but once again you have to blame blogger for being so sucky.)
so now i have no idea how i'm going to tie my hair up in school cause i think it might look pretty wierd ):
goshh.
well, today's post is sooooo plain with no pictures!
STUPID BLOGGER.
pfffftttt.
i think next week some of the ccas are going to start their NATIONALS.
wooohhhh.
hopefully they play their best and do well.
so GOODLUCK people.
esp SOCCER (guys&girls) & VOLLEYBALL (guy&girls) & NETBALL!
since most of my friends are in these ccas (:

oh and today i went for a family function.
and just as i was immersing myself in all the fun, laughter, jokes & teasing going on among my cousins, one of them just had to bring up something that changed my mood for awhile.

cousin: so sharifa, i heard you come home late from 'studying' all day at school. like 9 plus all.
me: yeah la. i study okay. i study with my friends.
cousin: friends or friend. somemore can go esplanade library to study all. didn't seem like you study with ALOT of friends. seemed like only one person. and you better know that place like raffles city, city hall and esplanade have alot of 'spies' and eyes watching you so you better pick someother places to go too.
me: i was studying la (shocked & trying to find something to say)
cousin: yeah, to study must sit so close and lean forward one ah.
(the rest of my cousins were laughing away & giving me shady smiles)
me: no la, i was really studying la. don't nonsense can.
then i came up with someother stupid stuff to say & change the topic.
and we ended up talking about one of my cousins chinese gf.
well, it's true when you say the people in singapore have diversified.
so many inter-racial stuff going on.
yet, why are there some people who are so queasy about it.
i mean, we're all just humans.
and thanks to my cousin, who had to remind me about you all over again.
one day, just one day was all that i needed to fall for you totally.

ohwells, it's about time i go and get some work done.
and tmrw it'll go back to routine, robotic week ALL over again.
and hopefully i get time during the week to blog again.

whats the point of waiting

for your name to come on the screen.

when i'm not allowed

or more like it's understoood

that i'm not supposed to speak first.

but yet, i msged you first again.

two time i think, this week.

yes, me and NOT you.

you're not even trying.

thinking about it,

i saw the similarities that day.

while you saw the differences.

my positivity & your negativity.

neutral.

yes, i said it that day & i'll say it again.

positive + negative = neutral.

we balance out each other.

if we BOTH just try.

i've done my part but what about you?

please don't walk away.

& just tell me you'll stay.

just one reassurance.

& i'll be there for you.

without disturbances.

2008-04-13T15:00:00.000+08:00

woah, i decided to try my luck with blogger again.
and then the photo thing just decided to work.
so yeah, here are the pictures.

PILLOWMAN!

LYD & ME (:

JO, LYD & ME!

anw, the rest of the pictures are with lyd or on her blog & i haven't got them yet so i'll put them up when i get them. oh oh and here's how my hair looks like now.

HAHAHA. well that's it & i'm off (:

2008-04-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

the art of losing isn't hard to master - ELIZABETH BISHOP

(guess that's why i am losing you.)

i didn't blog the whole of this week cos every night, i'd come back home pretty late & try to do my work but end up sleeping on my bed.

so it was superduper unproductive but atleast i managed to do alittle of my homework at school so i wasn't all that screwed.

so yeah, i'll try to do a brief recap.

MONDAY:

ter & steph asked me to join volleyball for pe network so i made fifa & amira join with me.

it was superduper fun cos lisa was the 'coach' & she was really nice & since there were very little ppl, we had loads of fun giggling, laughing and doing stupid things.

but trust me when i say first-timers would suffer cos me and amira had like bruises or you might call it, 'rashes-like-thing' on our arms due to the 'digging' of the volleyballs.

and it's hurts like MAD.

gosh, it seriously looked like we just got abused by someone.

i don't think you can see it clearly in this picture but if you looked closely you'll spot the super tiny red spots. some of my friends said it looked like rashes but it isn't.

it's the result of hitting volleyballs!

HAHAH.

TUESDAY:

hmmm, i think the highlight of the day was HIST LECTURE. the teachers decided to call people out to act out certain important leaders and countries. and they called the people out based on how they looked like. whether they fit the role of a russian or cambodian or even vietnamese(: gosh, it was so hilarious that the whole LT was filled with non-stop laughter. and the 'actors' were superduper cute with they're funny actions & the 'silly expressions' that they were forced to do or say! HAHAH. i couldn't resist laughing(like mad) at the cuteness.

WEDNESDAY & THURDAY:

i can't really remember what happened but i know i stayed back to study in school. & on wednesday i had a super long talk with lyd. it was really great cos i opened up to her alot & i'm just glad that she's there for me. LOVE YOU LYD. we can get through the A's together! i'm here for you, if you need me too (: so yeah, we were talking about ALOT of things and then we decided to study together in school & it was nice. although we did not get much done. it was a much needed time spent together.

FRIDAY:

it was PARENT'S NIGHT day. so i stayed back in school and did some homework in the SAC with faiz, raihan & hafith cos they didn't have soccer.but later on they left me cause they wanted to 'de-stress' and i was all alone. but i was rather content tht i managed to finish up my econs hw (: then everyone went to fetch their parents and i went to talk to GUANJIE! i realised that i haven't been talking to him for a long time, maybe cause we've both been super busy with schoolstuff & i rarely see him arnd. ohwells, I' M SORRY 'TIMIDBOY'! HAHAHAH. we'll study together one day okay. and i'll promise to look out for you in school, more often so that we can talk. hahah. although you end up disturbing me MOST of the time. ohh ohh & sit with me during the econs remedial program thing! HAHA (:

anyway, then we had to proceed to LT 5 so me, fifa, amira, raihan, faiz, hafith, steph & ter went there and left our bags there. but later on they called us back cause they had to lock up the place since none of the other students went there. HAHA. so yeah, we ended up playing retarded games in the SAC & making superduper lame jokes. gosh, i love them cos they never fail to brighten my day. then went to fetch my mom & dad and brought them to see mr. yew. they were in a super good mood so everything went fine. introduced them to all my friends, again then we left to VCH to see the last few remaining songs of my brother's band performance. ate dinner after that then left for home. no work was done after that though, cos i was super tired ):

hmmm, nothing much was done today also cause i went out with my parents to look for furniture for my room. yeah, my house is going to go thru renovation, pretty soon. so i was needed there to pick out my wardrobe style & stuff. ohh & tmrw's 'PILLOWMAN' day. the whole lit cohort is going to watch the play & we get to meet the CAST! gosh gosh, i can't wait :D i bet it'll be super good & i've finally picked out what to wear. my class would be having lunch together before the play too, so i'm sure tmrw would be awesome. ohwells, i better be off to do more hw cause i might not have time tmrw.

i'm scared. the more i avoid you, the less i see you. which may seem good since it's less distraction but that doesn't mean i don't think of you & that doesn't mean that people don't tell me stuff abt you. i seriously stopped talking abt you. to anyone. bcos i don't feel like bringing you up. it just makes things worse for me. this year is definitely not for emotional attachments. i told myself that before, but i got myself into this mess. and i brought myself into this. my friend can tell me now, " i told you not to make your move so quickly". well the truth is, he didn't tell me earlier. cause if he did, i would have listened & i wouldn't be caught in this chaos where i'm the one who's hurting and obviously you're not cause i'm sure you can handle your emotions VERY well. gosh, i still can't believe the things you said last time. call me a freak or whatever but i read thru the old msges(which are still in my phone) & it just sounds like a different you.

so, did you just play with my feelings then left when it wasn't fun anymore?

cos honestly, i still miss you.

2008-03-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

in any kind of relationship, there has to be an equal amount of give & take

-anonymous

so yeah, i just got back home from an awesome day.

although did manage to get up for religious class, i still felt alittle exhausted but i managed to keep myself awake in class due to my wonderful classmates and just me, providing entertainment for myself.
AHAHA.
then i was off home to change and meet banu for LEAP YEARS (:
gosh, the movie was awesome & just as i expected, i did tear.

but that's normal behaviour for my extra-emotional self.

the main point for it being so great was ofcourse ANANDA & QI YU WU.

i think ANANDA was superduper sweet & both of them never gave up on the girl they liked.

& that was the part i loved.

ok, i know this is going to sound cliche, but i did learn something from the movie.

'patience pays off'.

yeah, & that's something that i have to learn cause i'm always rushing.

for alot of things and various reasons.

& that would lead to alot of rash decisions & silly mistakes.

but i'm learning, slowly & hopefully it'll make me a better person.

someone who's mature enough to handle tough situations & someone who's strong enough to stay focused & not let her emotions get in the way.

oh and i finally got the chance to talk to banu.

atleast for awhile when we were at starbucks & when we waited for our trains.

i realised that i only left her out of my life for a few weeks & yet there was like soo much to tell her, so much that i wanted her to know.

gosh, i miss the times when we were young & we spent so much time together, just by ourselves, huddled in a room together.

away from the rest of the family & we'd be talking for what would seem like numerous hours.

she's like my everything since we were both born.

i love you banu, you're the best.

and i still have so much left to tell you.

lets just hope we meet up soon.

oh and don't worry, we'll get over this monster called A-levels, together!

yeah, we can do it (:

oh and ofcourse, during the LONG mrt ride back home, i did alot of reflection.

the more i retold the events to banu, the more it made sense to me.

i was at fault, ALOT.

fear, jealousy, stress(for schoolwork/a-levels)

were all the factors that

added on to my rash decisions & uncontrollable emotions

that where shown in various ways.

well, the only thing i could do is apologise.

for putting you through this mental torture,

where i probably confused you.

i guess i just wanted someone to be there.

and i wanted it to be you.

you just seemed so perfect.

once again, i have no idea why?

sometimes, it's just like that, aint it?

i'm no expert but yeah, i just felt it.

& i rushed, fearfully.

thinking back of the stupid things i said on the phone.

makes me feel so awful & wierd & certainly foolish.

maybe that's why you got annoyed.

and that's justifiable.

cause i would have felt the same way.

i just wanted you to know me

& that i'll get to know you better too.

people pushed me on.

they thought it'll make you change your mind.

so i tried, but in the wrong way.

i apologise, but mind you, i still haven't given up.

maybe, just maybe,

we could have one more try.

more slower this time.

and definitely, without affecting our studies.

cause i can't afford to do that anymore.

so how?

if i had a chance,

i'd probably tell you how i feel, all in one day

and ask for one more TRY.

but everythings up to you.

no matter what.

& i don't want to ruin it or spoil anything.

i just refuse to give up, cause i felt something.

but if you want,

i could try really hard to.

gosh, i've actually got a little headache from trying to 'push' all these feelings out.

HAHAH.

but i feel much better.

and school's starting tmrw.

which means homework would pile up.

& loads of quizzes to study for.

so i've got to go.

2008-03-29T22:55:00.000+08:00

how do we find the courage to be true to ourselves; even if we're unsure of who we are -PAULO COELHO

this week has been pretty unproductive cos of my sickness.

and i broke my life record by not going to school for TWO days in a week.

yes, it isn't something to be proud of and i'm not.

but it really wasn't my fault.

and on friday, my fever had gone up & i could barely get up from bed.

so it was a good thing i didn't go to school cos i wouldn have been able to do much in school either.

so on friday, i stayed at home & did practically nothing.

except for maybe going to my family doctor and then sleeping for the rest of the day cos the cough medicine causes drowsiness.

so yeah, i'm still on medication now & i always keep forgetting to take it.

haha.

well today, i did manage to do alittle work.

called steph and met her in school at about 11 to past her hist notes to her. then had to copy from her, all the econs notes that i missed since i was absent on mondays lecture. then did alittle of history & my dad came to fetch me.

so me, my mom & dad went on our house-hunting trip again.

ate lunch and spent the rest of the day with them.

came back home & now i'm planning to start my work soon.

my hist file's still un-filed and i'm going to do it soon (:

& suddenly had the urge to watch step up. so i'm watching it online now too!

HAHA.

oh and the song THE LITTLE THINGS by COLBIE CAILLAT is simply awesome.

it's sucha feel-good song, because of it's music

so i suggest that anyone, who needs cheering up should listen to it.

trust me.

The little things, you do to me are

taking me over, i wanna show ya,

everything inside of me is,

like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating.

My feet are stuck here, against the pavement.

I wanna break free, i wanna make it,

closer to your eyes, get your attention

before you pass me by.

So back up back up take another chance

Don’t you mess up mess up

I don’t wanna lose you.

Wake up wake up, this aint just a thing that you

Give up give up don’t you say that,

i’d be better off better off, sleepin by myself and wondering.

If im better off better off, without you boy.

So don't just leave me hanging on.

And every time, you notice me by,

holdin me closely, and sayin sweet things.

I don't believe, that it could be,

you speakin your mind and, sayin the real thing.

My feet have broke free, and i am leavin.

I'm not gonna stand here, feelin lonely,

but i wont forget you, and i won't think this,

was just a waste of time.

So back up back up take another chance.

Don’t you mess up mess up,

I don’t wanna lose you.

Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you,

Give up give up don’t you say that

i’d be better off better off,

sleepin by myself and wondering,

if im better off better off, without you boy.

But don't just leave me hangin on.

and anyway, i would just like to say to anyone who reads this blog that, i'm not in any depressed mood or 'EMO' world of any sort. i just prefer to write out my feelings in the blog, since it's MINE. so i'd appreciate it, if no one comes up to me & asks me if anything is wrong.

cause i'm fine, or atleast i'm getting by (:

so yes, tmrw's going to be great cause i'm finally going to meet BANU (:

it feels like i haven't met her for like superduper long.

eventhough it's probably not that long. HAHA.

& we're finally going to watch the long-awaited LEAP YEARS.

the movie that i wanted to watch since like eons ago but never got the chance to watch it cause of many circumstance.

ugh, whatever, i'm just happy it's finally happening.

& i bought a top online so i can collect it tmrw too.

woohoo, i' can't wait.

so i'll be off to finish my work now since i need to make myself free for tmrw (:

and guess what?

you've proved all the onlookers, right.

they guessed, we'd become strangers, eventually.

and because of you, we've achieved it.

not blaming you, just telling.

& i think all the while,

i shld have just listened to them.

2008-03-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

CONFUSION.

i don't know whether i actually caught you noticing, just now.

but i'm NOT supposed to judge your reactions, remember?

cos i'll just get it all wrong,

like last time.

so luckily i didn't react.

or rather, tried not to.

today there was a STRESS management talk in school.

and we had to look at our LOVE LANGUAGES.

haha.

i think mine is: SPENDING QUALITY TIME (:

but i do like the gifts, sometimes!. hahs

but i really treasure time, quality time spent with people i like/love.

regardless of if it's with a group or just two people.

and i tend to get attached to them after that.

sometimes, alittle too much i guess.

'clingy' is the word.

but i've learned or actually, am learning & changing.

and i think what i did was wrong.

i was rushing, i'm not denying.

maybe i was afraid.

afraid of losing you to that other someone.

someone who's better than me.

even though i tried to be happy for you.

just that little bit of jealousy in me, made me push on.

i just wanted you to know me better.

then maybe, just maybe you might change your mind.

& i really couldn't help it.

we're both in diff. places most of the time.

there's rarely an occasion to meet.

unless it's made on purpose.

& your lack of usage of stuff like msn/friendster just makes it worse.

so the only means : sms

so what could i do?

how do you maintain communication with a friend, oh wait, acquaintance when there are so little ways to communicate?

how do you get to know a person better so as to make them treat you as a friend when there's no way to talk to them?

you tell me.

so i tried, the only way i could.

and i msg-ed just like how i do to all my friends.

& who knew it'd turn up this way?

now i want to go back to the first msg, from you.

& think of how i could have handled it better.

judged you better & just done things differently.

cos even though i avoid, i feel like calling you & talking abt anything under the sun.

or just listen to you cos i want to be able to sit with you & feel the comfort that i felt that time.

something that you obviously didn't feel.

i'm really sorry tht i rushed. i honestly am.

i guess it must have felt so wierd.

and i thought it would have, but my sources said no.

and i trusted.

but now, it's all about studies.

i'm not going for netball camp cos i'm dying with my flu & sorethroat.

i went school so as to not miss out on econs but i couldn't concentrate.

i just felt so weak throughout the day.

& i was sneezing & shivering uncontrollably.

and tmrw might be worse even if it is a short day.

cos there's like history quiz & i'm supposed to hand in the files but i haven't arranged them ):

goshh, this has been a BAD week.

can't wait for the weekends.

i have to study hist now although nothing might register in my head.

but still, i need to eat,sleep,breathe ASEAN for the next hour or so, till i can't take it anymore.

oh and to AMIRA BEGUM! :

i'm superduper sorry that i won't be accompanying you at the camp tmrw & sat.

it's just that i'm SICK & so if i come, i'd just sit arnd and not train so it'll be soooo wierd. & i know camwhoring with you and sleeping in the same classroom would be super fun. but yeah, i know you'd understand the situation.

i love you loads okay (: try to enjoy yourself! & i'll see you on monday! :D

gosh, i was such a fool.

sometimes, having too many people

telling me things about you,

is just plain bad.

2008-03-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

I'M FEELING REALLY SICK NOW!
would someone care to give me strepsils & panadol flu?

it's really bad, that i'm feeling super cold now, at home.
when it's supposed to be like normal temperature. HAHA.
& i could probably drop dead on my bed, if i stopped blogging.
my throats gotten worse & my nose is blocked. i'm still coughing pretty badly too.
but i've got to go to school cos i'd miss out alot if i dont ):
this sucks.

anw, today was okay.
although all the aircon was making it worse for me but i still kept drinking cold drinks!
yeah, i didn't takecare of myself, i accept it.
and it got pretty worse when i went to KFC after training to eat with fifa, amira, pira & amin.
i drank pepsi there too then i started shivering cos i felt superduper COLD!
that was why i couldn't even stay and talk to the volleyballers that came there cos i couldn't take the coldness. besides, i was practically losing my voice.
i didn't go for training too but had to sit arnd and wait for a briefing on the camp.
i was trying to rush my hist then but couldn't concentrate cos i had no mood to do.
& the soccer guys kept disturbing me.
gosh, me and my mental friends.
they are the lamest people! HAHAH (:
so yeah, ended up going for dinner after that cos we had hunger pangs.
but it was fun though.

& yeah, the volleyballers came after their match.
i guess it didn't go too well for them.
yet to THE SR VOLLEYBALLERS

(tht come across this blog) :
don't worry people!
just take it as a good first experience & learn from it.
you'll just need to boost your confidence & train harder.
i'm sure you'll can do it. yups.
JIAYOU! haha (:

yups. oh and there's netball camp, this friday & saturday.
i'm still deciding on whether to go or not.
amira wants me to go but still, i don't feel an urge/need to go.
so i've got one day plus to decide :/
gosh, i realised i still have my hist corrections to do & i have to study for hist test.
blahhs, my sickness isn't helping me.
i want to sleep now but i've got so much work due.
arghh.
ohwells, you can't blame a girl for being sick ):
maybe i'd try to wake up earlier to do work.
so for now, i'm off.

i broke my record today.

yknow i felt so wierd after the msg.

like i've done a grave mistake.

& it's you who made me feel this way.

the impact of your words.

and notice the irony of it.

i said 'see you' & the next moment, i saw you.

it wouldn't mean anything to you,

but maybe it meant something to me?.

2008-03-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

YSTD I WASN'T IN SCHOOL.

so for all the people who didn't realise, you're such losers.

HAHAHA.

gosh sorry, that's plain evil.

but anyway, i had gastric pains & my throat had already start to hurt.

and to my LAME BESTIE, MR K. HARAVIN,

i wasn't doing any TRICKS. it's gasTRIC & not TRICK, you loser!

HAHAHAH.

goshhh, i practically laughed so hard at your lameness today. heh.

you're mad dude and i'd miss you next year when i would have to leave & no, i don't want to repeat cos my parents would kill me, so stop asking me to come back & repeat just for your sake! HAHA, but i still love you, bestie (:

OMG OMG, LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND IN MY PICTURES! HAHAHAHA :)

he's gonna kill me, if he see's this!

and anw, today i was in a pretty good mood, except for the fact that my throat is getting worse & during maths lecture i was practically coughing every 5 minutes :/
now, i'm even losing my voice. it's all coming out muffled.
boooos. i hate being sick!
yeah and i was trying to cheer steph up cos she was so down & later i found out it's just because of her heavy bag. hah
that cuckoohead packed soooo much stuff but nvm, i shall teach her how to bring minimal stuff.
HAHAH.
so yes, lyd came to school pretty late so i couldn't talk to her much.
after school went to long john with fifa, amira and pops.
i suddenly had a craving for the shrimps & so they accompanied me (:
it was lovely & we had girltalks about a certain topic.
woah, i didn't know that life could be so unexpected in many ways.
gosh gosh, it was certainly a new thing for me to hear all that stuff, haha.
& i've learned a new thing today!
woohooo.
yes, i'm rather excited to learn new stuff.
the thing is, "never be clingy, cos it just pushes people away"
& don't think i chose to learn this for no rhyme or reason cos obviously there is.

and once again, i'm linking it to you.

still trying to find the reason.

i told you, whatever you said would cause a GREAT impact.

well now, i think it's the clingy-ness.

is it?

gosh, i'm messing up my own mind.

and i think i'm making myself more as a stranger to you, by avoiding.

yet, i don't want to be a stranger.

so i guess what you said was wrong.

we DO have similarities,

in contradicting.

well anw, i have to be off soon to do my ever-so-wonderful GP hw that i'm lazy to do.

& my never-ending hist corrections ):

boooos.

and my junior just asked me for help for his PI stuff.

made me remember how much i used to hate doing PW and all the quarrels/stress/printing of stuff for myself & others and all the PW lessons where everyone would try to come in late or run away to buy food.

gosh, last year was such a big, crazy mess, in a way.

HAHA.

and to think, this year might be worse, even with NO pw.

blahhhs.

ohwells, homeworks calling, with a faint voice, SO I SHALL GO.

i'm still analysing everything you wrote.

yes, i know

i think TOO much.

2008-03-23T20:37:00.000+08:00

you talked about opposites being a bad thing.
but i think that was what attracted me in the first place.
but what would i know, right?
i aint an expert and you sure don't make me feel like one.

FRIDAY:

STEP UP 2 with amira and the guys.
hara & pira couldn't come & shah left without watching the movie ):
the movie was okay but not as great as the first one.
though the lead actress had such a hot body.
and TYLER (channing tatum) was like WOAH. hahah (:
so after the movie ate lunch and then searched for my granny's present.
finally bought something and i left for my granny's house while the rest went to send amira off to her bbq.
i was too caught up on thinking how to get to my granny's house that i forgot to say 'bye' to the rest.
maybe what someone told me before is really accurate.
'sometimes i let my emotions dictate my actions too much & it get's in the way'.
anw, then went to celebrate my granny's birthday.
spent alot of time with the family & the guilt of not studying kept popping up in my mind.

SATURDAY:

went to school to study with steph, ml & nazi.
i went there quite late but managed to do some econs.
but we did listen to alot of songs and nazi was teaching steph and ml how to shuffle.
hahaha.
it was hilarious, trust me.
steph seemed like a bobble-head doll!
hahaha, gosh i love my classmates and their retarded-ness.
saw the soccer boys too & faiz was so amazed that i was in school studying.
heh.
and there was a wave today.
it was awkward but ughh, it had to be done.
atfirst steph asked me why there was no wave & i had no answer, i just shrugged.
but then i guess he did wave later on or maybe i was expecting him to, so he just accommodated it, like he always does.
whatever it is, i'm trying hard to push everything aside.
it's pretty darn hard, honestly.
i've realised, no matter how many letters i write, you'll never get the full thing.
you'll just confuse me with your replies & msges & all the contradictions.
so it's better to solve the problem this way.
ughh.
so then, after that went to vivo to eat, with ml.
we walked arnd that after that and saw this wedding fair thing.
there was a wedding dress fashion show and the models were ALL tall and skinny & extremely gorgeous.
even the guys looked great.
i was kinda jealous, looking at the wonderful dresses that they were wearing and how great they looked.
so i pulled myself away from there, reluctantly and got home but i didn't do any work cos i felt pretty awful and sick.
managed to bring myself out for dinner with my family after that.
then came back home & i fall asleep on the sofa :/
i think i've lost it cos i feel like my energy's drained.
i'm sleeping alot & i can't seem to get up no matter how hard i try.
maybe i need vitamins? ):

TODAY:

didn't go for religious class today cos i couldn't wake up.
yeah i know, i'm atrocious.
i told you i think i lack vitamins or something.
i did manage to drag myself out of bed at about 1 plus.
managed to do more econs then went to look at a house with my family.
my dad's still house-hunting cos he's thinking of moving, yups.
that was pretty much what had happened today.
now i'd have to go back to do more work & school week starts tomorrow.
hopefully i can survive the whole week :/
gosh, A-level year is extremely dreadful like how everyone said it would be.
but i'm positive.

yes i'm am, so you better don't think i'm not.

i'm sick of relating every song that i hear,

to you.

truth is, i miss you.

no matter how i try to deny it.

i miss msg-ing you & awaiting your replies.

but the thought of it ALL being fake

& how maybe you were just 'making up' the replies,

makes me feel super wierd & confused.

i don't know what to feel about you now.

even my idea of opposites attracting has been crushed,

by what you said.

2008-03-21T01:08:00.000+08:00

it's been exactly FOUR days.
gosh, i'm amazed with my discipline and resistance.

ohman, i think i'm falling ill;
1) i couldn't concentrate for the last few lessons and only ribena and chocolates kept my sugar level up to keep me awake, if not i think i would have died in the lectures.
2) and for the first time, i missed the bus-stop and had to get down at the next one cos i was so tired/sick that i didn't notice my bus-stop till the bus left it :/
3) my throat hurts like hell too.

it's such a bad timing to fall ill cos i really need to catch up on my schoolwork & revision & i was planning to use this long weeked to do that. ughh, this sucks.
but i'm still going to study, no matter what. no distractions! that's the motto to uphold. HAHA.

tmrw watching step up 2 with amira, raihan, faiz, faizal, hara and some of the other soccer guys. hopefully they don't come late. oh and fifa, ENJOY YOUR TIOMAN TRIP! don't forget our seashells. HAHA (: you'll be missed, greatly. (especially by FAIZ! hahahah). so after tmrw's movie, there'll be no more outings for me, most likely. cos it's down to studying.
gosh, i hope i can do it & that i don't lose my determination along the way.

oh, and to STEPH:
don't ever EVER give up no matter who says what or even if everything seems pointless or meaningless. for all the hard work that you have put in, you will reap the benefits eventually. yeah. you still have me, ter & lyd and all our classmates and also many other friends out there who are supporting you no matter what. we WILL study together and we WILL do well. no matter how long it takes, you must never feel like letting everything go, okay? promise to stay & work hard with me okay! yeah. you can change for the better and we will help you! yeap. jiayou! HAHAH. and most importantly, i love you loads, dear! so smile & cheer up (: (:

i guess i was just plain fun for you atfirst,

and after that you got annoyed.

well anw, thanks for your pretence all this while.

cos it did make me happy most of the time.

maybe cos i judged it all too quickly, naively.

time to change.

2008-03-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

hmm, didn't blog ystd cos i felt asleep immediately when i came home.
gosh i was so tired that i had to wake up in the morning to do my econs hw.
couldn't force myself to wake up at night.
and anw, ystd's plan didn't happen cos hara's grandmother got admitted in the hospital so he had to rush off.
so waiting arnd for them to end training was so pointless.
ohwells, atleast i managed to run the 10 rounds that we had to run for NETBALL.
me and lyd ran super slowly so our timing was so not accurate but it was superduper HOT at that time. we were practially dying.
so yeah, after running lyd waited with me till amira came.
talked with lyd about a certain matter.
she claimed that she didn't give me good advice but i think it helped me quite a bit.
although i told myself i'd forget about it all and push it aside, it was surely nice to have her explain some things to me and relieve some of the confusion.
HAHA.
well, i guess what she said might surely have been the case.
"experience is something you were lacking in alot, right?"
maybe that was one factor.
and another thing she said got me thinking too.
"maybe it was just for fun for you?"
and i guess i was pressing on too much.
guess my insecurities got in my way.
i should have just gone with the flow and not thought too much abt the situation and question your interest so much.
"it's probably why you got annoyed?"
okay, anyway, it was great talking to lyd.
made me realise how much i miss girl-clique talks.
wait, don't get me wrong.
i love my guy-friends like hara, pira, shah they all.
but i was from a girl school and i did have my girl-clique where we could share EVERYTHING and it was fun.
gosh, i miss them.
but i do love my sr friends.
especially amira and fifa and lyd, steph & ter.
yups, they keep me going on.
and i'm grateful for that. so yeah, then lyd left and amira and me tried to study while waiting for the soccer training to end. then we rushed to buy the cake and came back then realised hara left. ohwells, hopefully his grandma is well! yeah.

so the celebration was postponed to today.
during lunchtime we asked pira to bring hara down. got faiz to light the cake and we sang the birthday song in the canteen. it was only a few of us but could see that hara was happy! hahs. so yeah. nothing much else happened today except that we got our RESULTS. whoosh. there was not much surprises. for the amount of effort i put in, i deserved the marks i got. but i was surprised i managed to pass lit. they must have been lenient. so i've only passed lit and gp this time. i missed S for maths by 1 miserable mark and ofcourse for econs and hist is the 'not-surprising' U. gosh, i'm sure my parents are gonna be called down but atleast i prepared them first (:

oh and most teachers kept giving us 'speeches' today. and ms zeenat's one made a rather big iimpact on my class. she kept saying that we should take up the challenge of having "NO-LIFE" for the rest of the six months that were left. she said that we shouldn't bother abt what other people thought of us. and most imptly, we should work AS A CLASS. and i think whatever she said was quite true. in the end it's me that suffers or reaps the benefits of what i have done, right? so me and steph decided that we're going to try and keep to the no-life thing. try ah cos it's going to be rather hard. but atleast we're willing to try, right? (: heh. so yeah then the day ended late due to econs and lit star period. and i went off home after that. wooh! first time that i left home immediately after school. it kind of felt good. and while i was walking out of sch, me and fifa were talking abt how we need to stop slacking with our friends. so yeah, i'm glad that ALL my friends are realising it and no one get's left behind. gosh, i can't wait for 2A04 to appear at almost the top of all the lists of the exams cos i kind of felt jealous when i looked at the top classes. so many classes were improving but our class still at the average area. and i guess i have to put in my fair share of effort to help pull the class up too. so yeap, i'm going to work hard and try to resist ALL temptations. i hope i can do it.

yknow what i suddenly remembered?

you told me that you didn't have alot of close girl-friends.

& i remember saying i'd be one for sure & you nodded. so thats what i tried to be. but i guess i was being my too overly-friendly self. & look how it ended up. even to acknowledge you now,

i'm afraid :/

gosh, i seriously regret.

we shld have just stayed the way we were.

MY FAULT :(

a new start.

2008-03-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

omg, i've finally got a new blog.
okay not much has changed since the last one. but atleast now i wouldnt be ashamed to say my blogname OUT LOUD. hah. cos this time i really like the name. it suits me very well. HAHA.
and besides, i think i should start using this blog in the hopes of helping me improve my english.
everytime i heard more and more of my seniors telling me that they failed GP, the more anxious i got. and so, i now vow to concentrate more during GP class cos i realise i tend to zone out alot during GP. booos. must stop now though if not i'll be superduper dead for GP. shucks.

anw, today wasn't much of an exciting day.
morning had to go for our ever-early religious class.
gosh, i was so tempted not to go.
but i guess it was kind of fun cos i was going crazy there.
singing random songs and being ever-so-clumsy.
sheesh, i bet like everyone there knows i'm one big cuckoohead.
HAHAH.
but it was fun la.
people like nurul and fatin and even annoying khalis, hafiz and amiruddin make the class bearable. yups.
and we've all planned to watch leap years together.
it seems almost everyone in my class hasn't watch it yet and there i was thinking that i was the only soul in singapore who still hadn't watched it. hah.
wooh, so i finally found people!
so now mr. benjamin QUACK! (aka CHEENA-MAN) can't laugh at me cos i do have people to watch it with. WOOHOO.
hah.

anw, after class, dropped at vivo to search or birthday gifts.
ended up only buying one present when i was supposed to buy 3.
nothing seemed suitable to buy and vivo just didn't have many attractive shops.
sheesh, this is why you should never do last minute present-shopping.
i think i'll just do some artsy-fartsy thing or like my bro calls it, go 'art-frenzy' and make something for my grandma instead of buying something.
yeah, she'll probably treasure it more that way (:

well okay then after that it was back home and i kind of just watched tv and used my laptop all the way till now.
oh, i did pack my stuff for school, inbetween.
i realised that i have ALOT of catching up to do if i want to get good grades for my A's.
and i think i just wasted my holidays away.
can you believe i didn't even touch a single book?
gosh, i really need to buck up.
but after what happened tonight, i've realised that i'm not supposed to let ANYTHING or rather ANYONE get in the way of my studies.
how am i supposed to get into NUS psychology if i go on in this state.
that's why it's time i gave myself a reality check and start studying, properly.
NO DISTRACTIONS.
atleast, i'm going to try.
cos i realised it's totally not worthdid.

what did the past weeks end up in?
A TOTAL MESS.
and back to square one.
booos.
well, it was partly my fault, or rather mostly my fault.
that's my opinion anyway.
so yeah, hopefully i change for the better.
and i learn to forget or atleast push it aside for later.
cos now there's no point in doing anything and there's nothing left for me to do.
okay, yup i think it's time for me to sleep.
i'll have to wake up in 3 hours time! bye.

hey you, yknow what, i saw no point in the letter or anything cos eventually, your msges confused me AGAIN. like they always do. it's like you said you don't like me and then you say my words matter to you. contradiction, don't you think? and yeah, i guess now we came to an 'ending'. or rather, what you claimed was the best solution. but you kept asking me whether i was okay with it & guess what?

obviously i'm NOT. i mean, can't you figure it out yourself. do i have to put it out literally. i'm the one with the feelings, so obviously i'm not okay with it. but i don't want to lose you as a 'friend'. if you are my friend atleast. i just don't want to lose you and make it seem like we don't realise each other exist. cos i can't do that. it's TOO HARD. i practically see you arnd ALOT. it's hard not to. and it's equally hard not to notice you. but what did you expect me to say? if you really wanted to know the truth, i would have just shouted out that:

gosh, i definitely want you to be SO much more than a friend & i'm willing to try anything.

BUT, i guess now i'll only have to wait and go on with my life. maybe, just maybe, wait till you might start to feel the same?

so yeah, i guess i'll just follow whatever you want me to do.

so hi & bye to you, my 'friend'.