Liars On Your Hands.

Friday, April 25, 2008

♥ 12:30 AM

She was tired of just existing; She wanted to live

- P.S I LOVE YOU(the book)

thanks to dearest TIMOTHY, i've finally gotten hold of the book P.S I LOVE YOU, which i've been asking arnd for since like long long ago. and it's been pretty good so far. i've teared a few times already. HAHA.

anw, today was HONGKIAT'S birthday. yes, so HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY HONKY! hahaha. my dearest maths 'tutor' who's helped me with various things in school (: heh. love you loads & may you do superduper well for you A's (i'm pretty sure you can! heh). hmm so yeah. helped out in his 'surprise birthday celebration then waited for them to end training to go for his birthday dinner with some of the volleyballers and some others too. later on, some of us went for pool. considering my WONDERFUL skills at pool, i preferred to be just the CHEERLEADER! hahaha. but omg, JIANRONG is like so pro at pool sia. his hits are so slow yet accurate and ever so gentle. HAHAH. he promised to teach me one day (: hopefully he can pass on his wonderful skills to me! heh. so yeah, i was pretty HYPER, (cause i needed to push aside other feelings. i've told myself, jealousy aint good) until i had to go off earlier then the rest ): but i guess the day was quite okay. heh. i realised alot of things though. things i kind of realised earlier but were much clearer now. and i think i've grown stronger & learned who to trust and stuff. although i agree i can be pretty naive and gullible. HAHA.ohwells.

well, that's all i can remember. hahaha. off to do work (:

when you let your heart win.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

♥ 10:55 PM

take for granted, how much i care.

i wonder.

if it was all that easy for you to push aside the feelings.

or maybe you didnt have any at all?

the week's ending tmrw.

it's pretty fast aint it.

hahah.

and i can't even remember whether anything productive was accomplished this week.

everyday feels like a routine thing where all i remember is just going to school, managing thru lessons, staying back to study(somedays) & then coming home, hoping to do more work but ending up falling asleep & then the cycle starts again :/

boooos.

and before i knew it, friday's here already.

gosh, the years passing pretty damn fast.

anyway, today had econs extra lesson from 5 to 6.

then waited for faiz & raihan & the clique went to eat 'tau-hway'(beancurd!).

hahaha.

we just happen to have sudden cravings.

then came back school to study with timothy and darian.

it was okay la.

atleast i managed to do my hist timed practice which has been overdue for ages.

heh (:

then left with mingling for home after that.

oh and this is what our gp teacher has deduced about my class:

teacher: why is it that the class seems racially divided. like the four malay girls always sit together and the two indian boys (elvin & navin) always sit together. you'll should mix with other races.

my class: we do mix with each other. we're closer than you think yknow. and just because we don't sit with each other in class doesn't mean we're not close! ( the WHOLE class agrees to this)

teacher: well i hope that is the case cause it really looks like there is a racial divide. oh except for sharifa who's the only indian girl who sits with EVERYONE in class (:

(WHOLE CLASS LAUGHS, including me!)

HAHAHAHAH.

hopefully she meant it in a good way.

i really hope i'm not too friendly or something.

atleast not to the extent where it gives someone a bad impression of me or makes them annoyed :/

well, i don't mean no harm.

i'm just like that.

gosh.

oh & i suddenly realised how certain people have matured & some just stay their childish self.

yeah.

i've been doing alot of thinking.

thinking about thinking (like how our gp teacher said).

i can't say that it has changed me alot, cause i'm pretty much the same.

but it's increased my realizations.

it's made me want to question certain things further.

things like, how am i supposed to offer my comfort/ words of advice if i don't apply them myself?

how am i supposed to emphasize the importance of confidence when i aint that confident of myself?

but yet, i still do.

and the outcomes from my friends are the reasons as to why i try my best to be there for anyone who seeks help/advice from me.

besides, i'm a strong believer of not letting anyone down.

ohwells, i've got loads of work piling up.

luckily the weekends nearing & next week, there's a LONG weekend!

HAHAHA.

we have COLLEGE DAY & SR MUSICAL at RP.

which gives us a day to let loose, dress up & have loads of fun.

woah.

hopefully hara & pira they all can join the j2 show timing instead of the j1 one.

it'll be sooo much more fun with them around (:

heh.

and i can't wait to go shopping for clothes with my friends for that day.

finally something to look forward too.

okay, i'm off to do work.

got what i would have wanted.

but it doesn't mean anything.

i know it aint a big deal, this time.

cause there's no significance.

although i teared.

it's just my unstable emotions.

something that i've been struggling to push aside.

& i'm managing, though it's hard.

it's easy for you though, right?

cause there weren't much to begin with.

it's just me now.

just me, chasing pavements.

when you let your heart win.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

♥ 8:28 PM

LEONA LEWIS - BETTER IN TIME

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

this song just felt like a feel-good song. so yeah, listen to it (:

when you let your heart win.

♥ 8:04 PM

Jealousy aint good, little girl.

so, push it aside like every other feeling.

woah, i haven't blogged for a pretty long time.

and things been rather hectic.

on top of that, my house is in a total mess due to the renovation that's going on.

three out of the four toilets are being renovated which means there's like dust/dirt/construction stuff EVERYWHERE.

since my toilet is in my room, there is dust on every part of my room, including my study table :/

(this is also one of the reasons why i'm studying in sch)

and and this is just the BEGINNING ):

after they do all the toilets, they'll be doing the room renovations!

this is all going to happen during and before my mid year exam week.

gosh gosh, i'm so dead.

i'll probably end up having to study anywhere else other than my house.

which means CHAOS since all my worksheets & stuff are spread around my study table at home.

sheeeshh.

anyway, i didn't go sch today.

i didn't feel too well & it's a pretty long day.

oh & there was A-level chem spa today.

so had to wish my friends thru msges.

ohwells, HOPE YOU DID YOUR BEST, PPL! (:

heh.

okay let me recap alittle.

saturday was spent fully in johore bahru.

went shopping with family cause it's been pretty long since we went there due to the traffic jam and stuff.

and i managed to buy loads of things that i really needed (:

sunday we had excursion with my sunday class.

learnt a few important things and managed to take some photos.

will try to upload them if they turn out nice (:

& then ystd was okay i guess.

the school day was short which was great.

i love mondays cause we always end early.

then studied in school with timothy,kaifeng,danial and darian joined us later.

it was pretty entertaining & i did get some work done.

but the sad part was that my bag broke.

yeah, depressing!

it was brand new actually.

i just bought it in jb.

and it was probably my fault cause i stuffed ALOT of things into it.

but still, i actually loved it & it just had to break.

fortunately my dad says there's a way to fix it.

so there's hope.

& i still HATE MY HAIR.

or rather, my fringe.

it sucks to the core & it refuses to grow quickly.

thus, i have to wait ever-so patiently ):

and withstand all the evil teasings from my guyfriends.

arghh.

during the weekends i did alot of reflecting.

especially in the long ride to jb on saturday.

what my bestfriend told me made me think about alot of things.

but what the heck.

just let me smile, cause i deserve to.

yeah, i do.

and school stuff is really becoming very hectic.

ystd, my gp teacher confiscated my phone cause i was msging guanjie, goodluck for the volleyball competition :/

and i felt so lost.

like my phone has become such a big part of me.

i know, i sound so hopeless & bimbotic but really.

gosh, it just felt so wierd.

and luckily she said she would return it to me when school ended which was only 2hrs away.

i actually teared infront of her.

she thought i was scared that my parents would find out but that was so not the case.

i just tear ALL THE TIME, for the simplest things.

it cannot be helped and people who are close to me would know that,

haha, i'm so weird.

gosh, she probably thought i'm mental or something.

heh (:

ohwells.

i need to go study for my econs test tmrw which i have absolutely no confidence in doing well since i'm so lost during lectures & tutorials.

i need help :/

but i think i need to help myself first.

so yeah, better be off.

i thought about it through.

whats the point?

that's what people keep telling me.

my friends even called you a jerk.

for what you're doing.

but i defended, cause i know what you're feeling.

oh wait, i THINK i do.

and its hard for me to give up.

i told myself after last year

that i'm so over this kind of pain.

i told myself, no distractions.

i told myself, not to fall for anyone.

cause i knew that if i did.

i'd fall pretty hard.

and guess what?

i fell hard for you, since that day.

& it's hard to get back up again.

when you let your heart win.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

♥ 2:21 AM

ohh and here's more pictures from PILLOWMAN day!

HAHAHA(:

and this is what happens if you give lyd the camera and she's bored: RANDOM SHOT!

OKAY THAT'S ALL (:

when you let your heart win.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

♥ 11:57 PM

how about you give me one day (yet again)
just one day.

i want to sit with you & talk till the night falls.

tell you everything.

and watch you listen to me, patiently.

like that day.

tmrw's SR OLYMPICS!

WOOHOO.

and i'm going to be a CHEERLEADER tmrw!

HAHA.

since i'm not participating in any events, i shall do what i do best:

CHEER! (:

heh.

i shall just run arnd and cheer for whoever i feel like cheering for.

besides, i just found out that not alot of pegasus people are taking part so obviously there won't be much pegasus people to cheer for, thus i will have to cheer for my friends in OTHER houses :/

ohwells.

hahaha.

hopefully i can have enough energy till the end of the day.

wooh!

okay, currently i'm stuck on four songs:

1) No Air by Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown

2) Cant Help But Wait by Trey Songz (from StepUp 2 Soundtrack)

3) Dance Like There's No Tmrw by Paula Abdul & Randy Jackson

4) Running Away by Midnight Hour

i strongly suggest that you'll go and listen to these cause they're pretty good.

if you can't find the songs then come find me & i'll send them to you(:

HAHA.

and anw today was TIRING with a capital T.

we had school till like 7 cause of lit star and extra hist lecture.

i was supposed to study in school but there was some miscommunication with my 'study friends' and so i decided to go home.

bummed into ter in the concourse and then hongky and jared & then we ended up going for dinner together.

when we reached kovan, we bummed into steph who was there with wilfred, leo and 2 other councillors.

HAHA.

so we all ended up eating dinner at the same place then waited with steph for her bus to come & then i left for home.

i actually told myself i must do work today but when i went online i ended up talking to alot of people & telling them to join me in my cheerleading tmrw until now it's already 2:00 am.

gosh gosh i only have a few hours more till i'm expected to wake up!

HAHAHA.

i need the energy man if not i'll confirm die tmrw cos i WANT to be my hyper self and camwhore with amira, fifa, steph, ter, jo and lyd (:

oh and P.S, i told JERRY to tag that in my tag board but the second part was his HONEST OPINION!

hahah.

thanks jerry! (:

gosh, i'm proud of myself.

i handled it pretty well,

don't you think?

for the jealous wreck

that i was being like

since the start of the day.

i actually managed to be normal,

and pretended like nothing happened

yet i keep getting the feeling

that you can see right through me,

since i opened up to you.

so, can you?

when you let your heart win.

Monday, April 14, 2008

♥ 1:00 PM

made friends with the extroverts & fell for the Introvert.

gosh, its sunday already & tmrw there's school.
the weekend just went past like a whirlwind :/
ohwells, let me do a recap on the highlights of this week.

last sunday was PILLOWMAN!
it was great even though there was loads of morbid scences & swearing.
SHANE was the hott stuff although ADRIAN PANG was not pretty bad himself.
the rest of the cast was awesome too.
well written & well acted out.
after that went for dinner & pictures-taking with JO & LYD.
we did alot of stupid things and loads of fun.
it was a pity that steph & ter had to leave and couldn't come along ):
but nonetheless, we had a good time.
clarke quay is by far one of the GREATEST place to be at in the nighttime :D
(sorry can't put the pictures up cos stupid blogger is screwed up but i'll put it up pretty soon!)

schoolweek was so-so i think.
can't quite remember much things cause i think only the usual happened.
ohh but i did stay back almost everyday after school to study till nighttime.
yups.
i even managed to study one day with guanjie and another day i studied with these CRAZY 4 guys from 2S21!
HAHAHAH.
it was DARIAN(NERDboy), TIMOTHY(EVILguy), KAIFENG(EGONESS!), DANIAL(SILENTpsycho).
HEHEH.
i tell you it was one SUPER CRAZY nightstudy time.
and somehow or rather, i did manage to do work.
yeah, i know it's unbelievable but it's true.

hmm then there was this hilarious incident in econs class.

our teacher: for people that watch chinese/korean dramas, they only do it cause they love fairytale-like stories. where the guys bring you to a big open field or some big space then ask you to shout to vent out your frustrations or let out your feelings & emotions. they let you say "wei ser-more". (sorry my spelling is probably inaccurate but the meaning of it is supposed to be 'WHYY!', i think! hah.) and they say it along with you.
classmates: ( laugh along and agree to what she says!)
our teacher: besides ah, i think compared to all the races, chinese guys are the most GENTLE-EST ones. really! they say indian & malay guys can be violent and stuff so chinese are the best. besides, indian and malay guys cannot shout "WEI SER-MORRE!" with you.

HAHAHAHAHAH.
gosh, i was practically falling off my seat, laughing.
and yet, i couldn't help but agree to it by a great extent & relate to it.
ohhh and i learnt something else from a friend this week.
'everything's a gamble; it's up to your luck whether it works out or not'
his ever-so 'wise' words.
HAHAH.

and friday was INTERNATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY!
i went around school wishing EVERYBODY.
HAHAHAH.
i bet i made them feel loved.
heh (:
and we got back our PW results.
it was bummer really cos after all that searching for information, re-doing AGAIN & AGAIN or our powerpoint slides,documents and other stuff, i just got a C.
but somehow, after i read the comments and stuff i kind of guessed that i would get a C. but some of my classmates were pretty unprepared for their grade and they cried.
i couldn't help but feel bad so i had to comfort alot of people.
it made me feel alittle uneasy with myself cos there i was trying not to think abt it and be positive but arnd me people were weeping away.
but ohwells, i managed and then i met chuin sin and i did some catching up with her!
heh, it's been a long time since i talked to her too (:
nowadays there's rarely any time to just see someone & talk to them for long.
NO TIME AT ALL.
ohwells.

anyway, to people who are disappointed over their grades (especially YOU) :
don't worry about it okay.
like i said, sometimes things won't turn out like we expect them to.
no matter how hard or to what extent we go to just to make it the way we want them to be.
yet, we are not supposed to give up.
every failure given to us is just to make us STRONGER.
and make us want to work harder.
so yes, we're allowed to feel a tinge of disappointment but now, we must work super harder for the other subjects.
do super duper well for them so that the pw grade doesn't matter anymore.
and i'm sure you can do it.
yeah, i believe in you & i'll be behind you, no matter what(even if you push me away).
so don't give up & you'll have wonderful A-level grades next year.
and i'll be cheering/clapping for you really loudly cause i would love to see you happy.
jiayou! (:

so yeah, ystd i went for hair treatment & got my fringe cut.
it's like pretty short now and i look like i have bangs :/
(i would love to put the picture up but once again you have to blame blogger for being so sucky.)
so now i have no idea how i'm going to tie my hair up in school cause i think it might look pretty wierd ):
goshh.
well, today's post is sooooo plain with no pictures!
STUPID BLOGGER.
pfffftttt.
i think next week some of the ccas are going to start their NATIONALS.
wooohhhh.
hopefully they play their best and do well.
so GOODLUCK people.
esp SOCCER (guys&girls) & VOLLEYBALL (guy&girls) & NETBALL!
since most of my friends are in these ccas (:

oh and today i went for a family function.
and just as i was immersing myself in all the fun, laughter, jokes & teasing going on among my cousins, one of them just had to bring up something that changed my mood for awhile.

cousin: so sharifa, i heard you come home late from 'studying' all day at school. like 9 plus all.
me: yeah la. i study okay. i study with my friends.
cousin: friends or friend. somemore can go esplanade library to study all. didn't seem like you study with ALOT of friends. seemed like only one person. and you better know that place like raffles city, city hall and esplanade have alot of 'spies' and eyes watching you so you better pick someother places to go too.
me: i was studying la (shocked & trying to find something to say)
cousin: yeah, to study must sit so close and lean forward one ah.
(the rest of my cousins were laughing away & giving me shady smiles)
me: no la, i was really studying la. don't nonsense can.
then i came up with someother stupid stuff to say & change the topic.
and we ended up talking about one of my cousins chinese gf.
well, it's true when you say the people in singapore have diversified.
so many inter-racial stuff going on.
yet, why are there some people who are so queasy about it.
i mean, we're all just humans.
and thanks to my cousin, who had to remind me about you all over again.
one day, just one day was all that i needed to fall for you totally.

ohwells, it's about time i go and get some work done.
and tmrw it'll go back to routine, robotic week ALL over again.
and hopefully i get time during the week to blog again.

whats the point of waiting

for your name to come on the screen.

when i'm not allowed

or more like it's understoood

that i'm not supposed to speak first.

but yet, i msged you first again.

two time i think, this week.

yes, me and NOT you.

you're not even trying.

thinking about it,

i saw the similarities that day.

while you saw the differences.

my positivity & your negativity.

neutral.

yes, i said it that day & i'll say it again.

positive + negative = neutral.

we balance out each other.

if we BOTH just try.

i've done my part but what about you?

please don't walk away.

& just tell me you'll stay.

just one reassurance.

& i'll be there for you.

without disturbances.

when you let your heart win.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

♥ 3:00 PM

woah, i decided to try my luck with blogger again.
and then the photo thing just decided to work.
so yeah, here are the pictures.

PILLOWMAN!

LYD & ME (:

JO, LYD & ME!

anw, the rest of the pictures are with lyd or on her blog & i haven't got them yet so i'll put them up when i get them. oh oh and here's how my hair looks like now.

HAHAHA. well that's it & i'm off (:

when you let your heart win.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

♥ 10:41 PM

the art of losing isn't hard to master - ELIZABETH BISHOP

(guess that's why i am losing you.)

i didn't blog the whole of this week cos every night, i'd come back home pretty late & try to do my work but end up sleeping on my bed.

so it was superduper unproductive but atleast i managed to do alittle of my homework at school so i wasn't all that screwed.

so yeah, i'll try to do a brief recap.

MONDAY:

ter & steph asked me to join volleyball for pe network so i made fifa & amira join with me.

it was superduper fun cos lisa was the 'coach' & she was really nice & since there were very little ppl, we had loads of fun giggling, laughing and doing stupid things.

but trust me when i say first-timers would suffer cos me and amira had like bruises or you might call it, 'rashes-like-thing' on our arms due to the 'digging' of the volleyballs.

and it's hurts like MAD.

gosh, it seriously looked like we just got abused by someone.

i don't think you can see it clearly in this picture but if you looked closely you'll spot the super tiny red spots. some of my friends said it looked like rashes but it isn't.

it's the result of hitting volleyballs!

HAHAH.

TUESDAY:

hmmm, i think the highlight of the day was HIST LECTURE. the teachers decided to call people out to act out certain important leaders and countries. and they called the people out based on how they looked like. whether they fit the role of a russian or cambodian or even vietnamese(: gosh, it was so hilarious that the whole LT was filled with non-stop laughter. and the 'actors' were superduper cute with they're funny actions & the 'silly expressions' that they were forced to do or say! HAHAH. i couldn't resist laughing(like mad) at the cuteness.

WEDNESDAY & THURDAY:

i can't really remember what happened but i know i stayed back to study in school. & on wednesday i had a super long talk with lyd. it was really great cos i opened up to her alot & i'm just glad that she's there for me. LOVE YOU LYD. we can get through the A's together! i'm here for you, if you need me too (: so yeah, we were talking about ALOT of things and then we decided to study together in school & it was nice. although we did not get much done. it was a much needed time spent together.

FRIDAY:

it was PARENT'S NIGHT day. so i stayed back in school and did some homework in the SAC with faiz, raihan & hafith cos they didn't have soccer.but later on they left me cause they wanted to 'de-stress' and i was all alone. but i was rather content tht i managed to finish up my econs hw (: then everyone went to fetch their parents and i went to talk to GUANJIE! i realised that i haven't been talking to him for a long time, maybe cause we've both been super busy with schoolstuff & i rarely see him arnd. ohwells, I' M SORRY 'TIMIDBOY'! HAHAHAH. we'll study together one day okay. and i'll promise to look out for you in school, more often so that we can talk. hahah. although you end up disturbing me MOST of the time. ohh ohh & sit with me during the econs remedial program thing! HAHA (:

anyway, then we had to proceed to LT 5 so me, fifa, amira, raihan, faiz, hafith, steph & ter went there and left our bags there. but later on they called us back cause they had to lock up the place since none of the other students went there. HAHA. so yeah, we ended up playing retarded games in the SAC & making superduper lame jokes. gosh, i love them cos they never fail to brighten my day. then went to fetch my mom & dad and brought them to see mr. yew. they were in a super good mood so everything went fine. introduced them to all my friends, again then we left to VCH to see the last few remaining songs of my brother's band performance. ate dinner after that then left for home. no work was done after that though, cos i was super tired ):

hmmm, nothing much was done today also cause i went out with my parents to look for furniture for my room. yeah, my house is going to go thru renovation, pretty soon. so i was needed there to pick out my wardrobe style & stuff. ohh & tmrw's 'PILLOWMAN' day. the whole lit cohort is going to watch the play & we get to meet the CAST! gosh gosh, i can't wait :D i bet it'll be super good & i've finally picked out what to wear. my class would be having lunch together before the play too, so i'm sure tmrw would be awesome. ohwells, i better be off to do more hw cause i might not have time tmrw.

i'm scared. the more i avoid you, the less i see you. which may seem good since it's less distraction but that doesn't mean i don't think of you & that doesn't mean that people don't tell me stuff abt you. i seriously stopped talking abt you. to anyone. bcos i don't feel like bringing you up. it just makes things worse for me. this year is definitely not for emotional attachments. i told myself that before, but i got myself into this mess. and i brought myself into this. my friend can tell me now, " i told you not to make your move so quickly". well the truth is, he didn't tell me earlier. cause if he did, i would have listened & i wouldn't be caught in this chaos where i'm the one who's hurting and obviously you're not cause i'm sure you can handle your emotions VERY well. gosh, i still can't believe the things you said last time. call me a freak or whatever but i read thru the old msges(which are still in my phone) & it just sounds like a different you.

so, did you just play with my feelings then left when it wasn't fun anymore?

cos honestly, i still miss you.

when you let your heart win.