Liars On Your Hands.

Monday, March 17, 2008

♥ 1:30 AM

omg, i've finally got a new blog.
okay not much has changed since the last one. but atleast now i wouldnt be ashamed to say my blogname OUT LOUD. hah. cos this time i really like the name. it suits me very well. HAHA.
and besides, i think i should start using this blog in the hopes of helping me improve my english.
everytime i heard more and more of my seniors telling me that they failed GP, the more anxious i got. and so, i now vow to concentrate more during GP class cos i realise i tend to zone out alot during GP. booos. must stop now though if not i'll be superduper dead for GP. shucks.

anw, today wasn't much of an exciting day.
morning had to go for our ever-early religious class.
gosh, i was so tempted not to go.
but i guess it was kind of fun cos i was going crazy there.
singing random songs and being ever-so-clumsy.
sheesh, i bet like everyone there knows i'm one big cuckoohead.
HAHAH.
but it was fun la.
people like nurul and fatin and even annoying khalis, hafiz and amiruddin make the class bearable. yups.
and we've all planned to watch leap years together.
it seems almost everyone in my class hasn't watch it yet and there i was thinking that i was the only soul in singapore who still hadn't watched it. hah.
wooh, so i finally found people!
so now mr. benjamin QUACK! (aka CHEENA-MAN) can't laugh at me cos i do have people to watch it with. WOOHOO.
hah.

anw, after class, dropped at vivo to search or birthday gifts.
ended up only buying one present when i was supposed to buy 3.
nothing seemed suitable to buy and vivo just didn't have many attractive shops.
sheesh, this is why you should never do last minute present-shopping.
i think i'll just do some artsy-fartsy thing or like my bro calls it, go 'art-frenzy' and make something for my grandma instead of buying something.
yeah, she'll probably treasure it more that way (:

well okay then after that it was back home and i kind of just watched tv and used my laptop all the way till now.
oh, i did pack my stuff for school, inbetween.
i realised that i have ALOT of catching up to do if i want to get good grades for my A's.
and i think i just wasted my holidays away.
can you believe i didn't even touch a single book?
gosh, i really need to buck up.
but after what happened tonight, i've realised that i'm not supposed to let ANYTHING or rather ANYONE get in the way of my studies.
how am i supposed to get into NUS psychology if i go on in this state.
that's why it's time i gave myself a reality check and start studying, properly.
NO DISTRACTIONS.
atleast, i'm going to try.
cos i realised it's totally not worthdid.

what did the past weeks end up in?
A TOTAL MESS.
and back to square one.
booos.
well, it was partly my fault, or rather mostly my fault.
that's my opinion anyway.
so yeah, hopefully i change for the better.
and i learn to forget or atleast push it aside for later.
cos now there's no point in doing anything and there's nothing left for me to do.
okay, yup i think it's time for me to sleep.
i'll have to wake up in 3 hours time! bye.

hey you, yknow what, i saw no point in the letter or anything cos eventually, your msges confused me AGAIN. like they always do. it's like you said you don't like me and then you say my words matter to you. contradiction, don't you think? and yeah, i guess now we came to an 'ending'. or rather, what you claimed was the best solution. but you kept asking me whether i was okay with it & guess what?

obviously i'm NOT. i mean, can't you figure it out yourself. do i have to put it out literally. i'm the one with the feelings, so obviously i'm not okay with it. but i don't want to lose you as a 'friend'. if you are my friend atleast. i just don't want to lose you and make it seem like we don't realise each other exist. cos i can't do that. it's TOO HARD. i practically see you arnd ALOT. it's hard not to. and it's equally hard not to notice you. but what did you expect me to say? if you really wanted to know the truth, i would have just shouted out that:

gosh, i definitely want you to be SO much more than a friend & i'm willing to try anything.

BUT, i guess now i'll only have to wait and go on with my life. maybe, just maybe, wait till you might start to feel the same?

so yeah, i guess i'll just follow whatever you want me to do.

so hi & bye to you, my 'friend'.

when you let your heart win.