Liars On Your Hands.

Friday, March 28, 2008

♥ 2:30 PM

CONFUSION.

i don't know whether i actually caught you noticing, just now.

but i'm NOT supposed to judge your reactions, remember?

cos i'll just get it all wrong,

like last time.

so luckily i didn't react.

or rather, tried not to.

today there was a STRESS management talk in school.

and we had to look at our LOVE LANGUAGES.

haha.

i think mine is: SPENDING QUALITY TIME (:

but i do like the gifts, sometimes!. hahs

but i really treasure time, quality time spent with people i like/love.

regardless of if it's with a group or just two people.

and i tend to get attached to them after that.

sometimes, alittle too much i guess.

'clingy' is the word.

but i've learned or actually, am learning & changing.

and i think what i did was wrong.

i was rushing, i'm not denying.

maybe i was afraid.

afraid of losing you to that other someone.

someone who's better than me.

even though i tried to be happy for you.

just that little bit of jealousy in me, made me push on.

i just wanted you to know me better.

then maybe, just maybe you might change your mind.

& i really couldn't help it.

we're both in diff. places most of the time.

there's rarely an occasion to meet.

unless it's made on purpose.

& your lack of usage of stuff like msn/friendster just makes it worse.

so the only means : sms

so what could i do?

how do you maintain communication with a friend, oh wait, acquaintance when there are so little ways to communicate?

how do you get to know a person better so as to make them treat you as a friend when there's no way to talk to them?

you tell me.

so i tried, the only way i could.

and i msg-ed just like how i do to all my friends.

& who knew it'd turn up this way?

now i want to go back to the first msg, from you.

& think of how i could have handled it better.

judged you better & just done things differently.

cos even though i avoid, i feel like calling you & talking abt anything under the sun.

or just listen to you cos i want to be able to sit with you & feel the comfort that i felt that time.

something that you obviously didn't feel.

i'm really sorry tht i rushed. i honestly am.

i guess it must have felt so wierd.

and i thought it would have, but my sources said no.

and i trusted.

but now, it's all about studies.

i'm not going for netball camp cos i'm dying with my flu & sorethroat.

i went school so as to not miss out on econs but i couldn't concentrate.

i just felt so weak throughout the day.

& i was sneezing & shivering uncontrollably.

and tmrw might be worse even if it is a short day.

cos there's like history quiz & i'm supposed to hand in the files but i haven't arranged them ):

goshh, this has been a BAD week.

can't wait for the weekends.

i have to study hist now although nothing might register in my head.

but still, i need to eat,sleep,breathe ASEAN for the next hour or so, till i can't take it anymore.

oh and to AMIRA BEGUM! :

i'm superduper sorry that i won't be accompanying you at the camp tmrw & sat.

it's just that i'm SICK & so if i come, i'd just sit arnd and not train so it'll be soooo wierd. & i know camwhoring with you and sleeping in the same classroom would be super fun. but yeah, i know you'd understand the situation.

i love you loads okay (: try to enjoy yourself! & i'll see you on monday! :D

gosh, i was such a fool.

sometimes, having too many people

telling me things about you,

is just plain bad.

when you let your heart win.